Humble Brag / One-Up Thread

[HuskerGarrett]

I full blown shit myself in the college cafeteria once

 

[MtnHusker]

Ah Shit I can probably throw quite a few unusual ones out there. I've had a crazy stupid life. I really need to start writing this stuff down. Here are a few:
-Worked Security for Steven Segal
-A drunken Tommy Lasorda tried taking a swing at me
-Was in a Movie with Patrick Swayze
-Tone Loc's Band members had to help me out in a fight when I was pinned to the front of the band stage in a fight with 3 Yuge Samoans
-Pissed off Brittany Spears enough that she mentioned it in People Magazine
-Made fun of Ian Ziering so much that he came back the next night and wanted to be friends
-Sat at a picnic table with President Ford
-Have Drank with 6 NFL QB's who were in a Super Bowl (John Elway, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, Buddy Brister, Jim Miller, Brian Griese)
-Trained Joey "The Clown" Lombardo's grandson for a job. (Joey might be the most famous Mafia hitman in Chicago history)
-my Chicago cop buddies took me and a lady friend I met at a bar in their Cop Car at 90+ mph down Michigan Avenue at 3am, with the lights on
-Outran about 30 Machine Gun toting Mexican Federalies in Mazatlan
-had a Machine Gun put to my head in Burma/Myanmar
-Cursed out Bob Marley's band The Wailers for leaving a stage early. About the only time I ever came unglued on a band
-Got into a fight with the Austrian Ski Team
-Almost was involved in a brawl with a women's professional football team at the Strip Joint Shotgun Willies in Denver. The starting Safety was mad I was getting more attention than her from the Strippers. Later she actually bought me a Lap Dance. That Lesbian rocked a better Mustache than me.
-watched a football game with Tom Osborne
-Lived on a Sail Boat for 3 weeks in the Bahamas
-slept with a Playboy Playmate and also another woman who was in Playboy for the Girls of Radio issue
-attended a few Jerry Springer Shows, actually was in some of the crowd shots
-have had beers with Eddie Vedder numerous times
-carried Olympic Gold Medalist Johhny Mosely out the back door of my bar at a Ski Race Party because he was so drunk he couldn't walk and would have gotten in trouble if his sponsors saw him so wasted. Was cursed out the next day by the Race Officials because he was too hung over to race.
-Almost threw Trey Stone (South Park) out of my bar. Turns out he wasn't being an asshole, was just wasted
-Almost threw Daryl Hannah out of my bar, she was out of her mind on drugs but had a security guy with her so let her stay as long as she stayed awake
-have bartended in 5 countries (USA, Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand, Bahamas)
-Stayed at the Rockefellers house in Aspen.
-Walked up on one of the twin girls from the movie The Great Outdoors while she was get fucked on my Picnic Table


@vailhusker gotta have some serious stories too.

 

[Red Dog]

Ah Shit I can probably throw quite a few unusual ones out there. I've had a crazy stupid life. I really need to start writing this stuff down. Here are a few:
-Worked Security for Steven Segal
-A drunken Tommy Lasorda tried taking a swing at me
-Was in a Movie with Patrick Swayze
-Tone Loc's Band members had to help me out in a fight when I was pinned to the front of the band stage in a fight with 3 Yuge Samoans
-Pissed off Brittany Spears enough that she mentioned it in People Magazine
-Made fun of Ian Ziering so much that he came back the next night and wanted to be friends
-Sat at a picnic table with President Ford
-Have Drank with 6 NFL QB's who were in a Super Bowl (John Elway, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, Buddy Brister, Jim Miller, Brian Griese)
-Trained Joey "The Clown" Lombardo's grandson for a job. (Joey might be the most famous Mafia hitman in Chicago history)
-my Chicago cop buddies took me and a lady friend I met at a bar in their Cop Car at 90+ mph down Michigan Avenue at 3am, with the lights on
-Outran about 30 Machine Gun toting Mexican Federalies in Mazatlan
-had a Machine Gun put to my head in Burma/Myanmar
-Cursed out Bob Marley's band The Wailers for leaving a stage early. About the only time I ever came unglued on a band
-Got into a fight with the Austrian Ski Team
-Almost was involved in a brawl with a women's professional football team at the Strip Joint Shotgun Willies in Denver. The starting Safety was mad I was getting more attention than her from the Strippers. Later she actually bought me a Lap Dance. That Lesbian rocked a better Mustache than me.
-watched a football game with Tom Osborne
-Lived on a Sail Boat for 3 weeks in the Bahamas
-slept with a Playboy Playmate and also another woman who was in Playboy for the Girls of Radio issue
-attended a few Jerry Springer Shows, actually was in some of the crowd shots
-have had beers with Eddie Vedder numerous times
-carried Olympic Gold Medalist Johhny Mosely out the back door of my bar at a Ski Race Party because he was so drunk he couldn't walk and would have gotten in trouble if his sponsors saw him so wasted. Was cursed out the next day by the Race Officials because he was too hung over to race.
-Almost threw Trey Stone (South Park) out of my bar. Turns out he wasn't being an asshole, was just wasted
-Almost threw Daryl Hannah out of my bar, she was out of her mind on drugs but had a security guy with her so let her stay as long as she stayed awake
-have bartended in 5 countries (USA, Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand, Bahamas)
-Stayed at the Rockefellers house in Aspen.
-Walked up on one of the twin girls from the movie The Great Outdoors while she was get fucked on my Picnic Table


@vailhusker gotta have some serious stories too.

 

[BBTown Bomber]

* I started custom hay baling when I was 14 yo (in 1966). Made $.10 per bale and, on a good day, I could bale 750-1,000 bales. Rolling in the dough.

* 1967 my folks built a new home about a hundred feet from the old two-story farm house. One week after we had moved in my dad was in the field, my mom was working at her job in town and my brother and I were doing chores (we fed around 1,500 cattle). My sister was cleaning the house. (It was Mother’s Day)

My sister had turned on the deep fat fryer to make French fries for lunch. She got busy doing other things (cleaning) in another part of the house and forgot that the fryer, with oil in it, was on. Oil got so hot and, somehow (we still don’t know how) splattered higher enough to touch the new ceiling squares.

Ceiling started smoldering, sis came running down to my bro and I, screaming/crying. We all ran back up to the house. I went in the front door and it was solid smoke. The fryer was in the basement. Made my way down, grabbed a nearby bucket, turned the shower on, which was 20 feet away from the fryer, and where there were now small flickers of fire in the ceiling tiles.

Ran back and forth five or six times. Fill the small bucket, back to the ceiling, throw the water up, get drenched, rinse, repeat. All the while the smoke was so fucking heavy I was a fool being down there. Probably should have joined @God is a Husker in the @dead category.

Got the fire out, rushed back upstairs and outside to breathe fresh air. What a fucking deal. Was NO WAY I was going to lose that new home that we had waited almost a year for. Fuck me…..have a small adrenaline rush right now just reliving that day.

* State wrestling champ (in Cockeye) 1971.

* New England 41 day bucket-list trip (drove the Silverado) Oct. 2021. Ate lobster every day for twelve straight days (twice a day five times).

.

 

[kenyanfeline]

I banged and dated Sam Schimmel for like 2 months. (Janice Griffith) I love whores.

I played as a fill in guitarist on a bunch of touring metal core bands—- how I met Janice.

I played NAIA soccer. Had one d1 offer to ucf. Had a bunch of d2 offers. college soccer was weird 13 years ago. Top level talent all over the place.

I once fucked two sisters in one day. No shower in between. Because I was a degenerate.

Not sure I can think of anything else at the moment. But I’m sure tons of you guys have done way cooler shit than me. Im boring as fuck now.

😂 i have no idea who the fuck that is.
If you do a quick hub search for Janice Griffith you will be jerking off in no time. Hell I still do. She is an unbearable human to be around though. When we dated she wasn’t as bad but she started going extreme lib. It was gross.

May want to look at the first sentence of your original post 😂😂

 

[God is a Husker]

M113?

Yes. Noisy and clanky as any piece of machinery ever invented.

My FIL was in charge of a M113 when he served for 2 years in the Indian army and was stationed on the Pakistan border.
(on the Pakistan/Gujarat border tho, so super chill cuz its literally the only part of the border the 2 countries agree upon and recognize. The huge Kutch salt marsh and a river divide the countries)


Anyways, he always jokes about how the only time they ever drove it/got it out of the barn was when a politician was visiting the border and his head officer would order all them out. Other than that all the vehicles sat inside to make sure nothing broke and required maintenance costs and also not waste diesel. He said in the Indian army you want to make the politicians feel like they are getting their money's worth BUT you also don't want to get in trouble for incurring high costs.


Militaries are the same all over the world, politicians and officials can spend Billions/Trillions without a care in the world but if a solider loses/breaks 1 piece of equipment its a HUGE deal and my God there will be consequences and accountability.

 

[God is a Husker]

-Lived on a Sail Boat for 3 weeks in the Bahamas

I am incredibly jealous

 

[God is a Husker]

State wrestling champ (in Cockeyes) 1971.

@22*43*51 so jealous of this (as am I, I never even made it to State)

 

[22*43*51]

@22*43*51 so jealous of this (as am I, I never even made it to State)

Mad respect for any State Champ.(in any state for that matter)

 

[iruletheskool]

Forgot, one time at OHare Mark Sanchez told me not to have kids

 

[Pipe Line]

2 more stories, 1 happened just yesterday evening. It's not cool, it's gross, but still wild to me


1. In high school, one of my best friends who is a year older and honestly was that high school douche bag, had Foods class the hour after me. Did not see him, he walked in, and completely de-pantsed me while I was washing my hands. Turned out real quick to see who it was, not thinking and realizing my dick would be 100% out there, and uh yeah pulled those bitches up real quick.


2. Last night, me and my wife and our daughter are getting over the 24 hour stomach bug. Had my situation last night and uh first throwing up, definitely was diarrheaing at the same time, and on one of my pukes, I also ended up pushing a little poop out that ended up on my under wear. I felt the fart, and then felt the poop, and it was just horrid in general.

 

[BBTown Bomber]

2 more stories, 1 happened just yesterday evening. It's not cool, it's gross, but still wild to me


1. In high school, one of my best friends who is a year older and honestly was that high school douche bag, had Foods class the hour after me. Did not see him, he walked in, and completely de-pantsed me while I was washing my hands. Turned out real quick to see who it was, not thinking and realizing my dick would be 100% out there, and uh yeah pulled those bitches up real quick.


2. Last night, me and my wife and our daughter are getting over the 24 hour stomach bug. Had my situation last night and uh first throwing up, definitely was diarrheaing at the same time, and on one of my pukes, I also ended up pushing a little poop out that ended up on my under wear. I felt the fart, and then felt the poop, and it was just horrid in general.

Not sure either of these stories follow the guidelines set forth by the OP. 🤮🤢😵‍💫

.

 

[Pipe Line]

Not sure either of these stories follow the guidelines set forth by the OP. 🤮🤢😵‍💫

.

Probably not....could the brag be that my dick was out in the middle of class?

 

[Jim14510]

Forgot, one time at OHare Mark Sanchez told me not to have kids

What did you say to get that response?

 

[HuskerPAC]

Shit I’m boring. Only have had sex with my wife and vice versa. Average athletic career. No military escapades. No run ins with famous people. Have shot some nice deer. Have 2 beautiful little girls. I guess I can say I’ve saved some lives in my career, which is a good feeling.

I’ll live vicariously through all of your stories.

 

[MtnHusker]

Also forgot to mention that I Pee'd next to Frank Solich at DIA (Denver International Airport). I so wanted to say "Nice Watch" to him while we were standing there peeing but he seemed to be concentrating real hard at the task at hand. I did say "Hi Coach, GBR" when we were drying our hands

 

[Daddy]

Ah Shit I can probably throw quite a few unusual ones out there. I've had a crazy stupid life. I really need to start writing this stuff down. Here are a few:
-Worked Security for Steven Segal
-A drunken Tommy Lasorda tried taking a swing at me
-Was in a Movie with Patrick Swayze
-Tone Loc's Band members had to help me out in a fight when I was pinned to the front of the band stage in a fight with 3 Yuge Samoans
-Pissed off Brittany Spears enough that she mentioned it in People Magazine
-Made fun of Ian Ziering so much that he came back the next night and wanted to be friends
-Sat at a picnic table with President Ford
-Have Drank with 6 NFL QB's who were in a Super Bowl (John Elway, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, Buddy Brister, Jim Miller, Brian Griese)
-Trained Joey "The Clown" Lombardo's grandson for a job. (Joey might be the most famous Mafia hitman in Chicago history)
-my Chicago cop buddies took me and a lady friend I met at a bar in their Cop Car at 90+ mph down Michigan Avenue at 3am, with the lights on
-Outran about 30 Machine Gun toting Mexican Federalies in Mazatlan
-had a Machine Gun put to my head in Burma/Myanmar
-Cursed out Bob Marley's band The Wailers for leaving a stage early. About the only time I ever came unglued on a band
-Got into a fight with the Austrian Ski Team
-Almost was involved in a brawl with a women's professional football team at the Strip Joint Shotgun Willies in Denver. The starting Safety was mad I was getting more attention than her from the Strippers. Later she actually bought me a Lap Dance. That Lesbian rocked a better Mustache than me.
-watched a football game with Tom Osborne
-Lived on a Sail Boat for 3 weeks in the Bahamas
-slept with a Playboy Playmate and also another woman who was in Playboy for the Girls of Radio issue
-attended a few Jerry Springer Shows, actually was in some of the crowd shots
-have had beers with Eddie Vedder numerous times
-carried Olympic Gold Medalist Johhny Mosely out the back door of my bar at a Ski Race Party because he was so drunk he couldn't walk and would have gotten in trouble if his sponsors saw him so wasted. Was cursed out the next day by the Race Officials because he was too hung over to race.
-Almost threw Trey Stone (South Park) out of my bar. Turns out he wasn't being an asshole, was just wasted
-Almost threw Daryl Hannah out of my bar, she was out of her mind on drugs but had a security guy with her so let her stay as long as she stayed awake
-have bartended in 5 countries (USA, Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand, Bahamas)
-Stayed at the Rockefellers house in Aspen.
-Walked up on one of the twin girls from the movie The Great Outdoors while she was get fucked on my Picnic Table


@vailhusker gotta have some serious stories too.

These are cool stories and all but how is your hand eye coordination?

 

[Daddy]

I have two more dumb ones, can't remember if I've shared these here before or not: almost got kicked out of PBA by Gene Steratore like 3 mins into the Cockeyes game in 2018. Called security over and everything. I didn't curse, wasn't belligerent or anything. Just mad a (loud) request that they call a foul on a very clear shooting foul. Said if he heard another word from me the rest of the game I was gone. Invited him out for a beer late in the second half. He politely declined. Skers ended up beating them by like 15. GBMFR. Two weeks later he was the white hat for the Super Bowl.

Stopped Walter Pitchford from getting into a fight at Brother's a few years before that. Him and another giant black dude were jawing and pushing and shoving. I was smoked and a huge Nebrasketball fan so I just went over and stood between them and ignored them both. Idk why but it de-escalated almost immediately. I'm not physically imposing at all. 6' probably 210 at the time. Guessing they were both thrown off by a shrimpy white dude inserting himself where he had no business being. It was really weird and it should have gone really poorly for me in retrospect.

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

I might've fallen for this; unless it's not true. Pretty impressive if so!!

Did you camp right outside the gate?

It’s true. My uncle was a member at the time

 

[lee_carvallo_12]

I scored really high on my ASVAB as a sophomore and the Air Force was sending me a ton of recruitment stuff. Had no interest at the time. Probably would have been a good idea looking back.

Was telling the wife if I had to do it all over again, would've tried to get into a service academy out of HS. All the people I know who went that route, including my SIL, are getting ready to retire in 6-8 years at 50y/o with pension, benefits, etc.

I banged and dated Sam Schimmel for like 2 months. (Janice Griffith) I love whores.

I played as a fill in guitarist on a bunch of touring metal core bands—- how I met Janice.

I played NAIA soccer. Had one d1 offer to ucf. Had a bunch of d2 offers. college soccer was weird 13 years ago. Top level talent all over the place.

I once fucked two sisters in one day. No shower in between. Because I was a degenerate.

Not sure I can think of anything else at the moment. But I’m sure tons of you guys have done way cooler shit than me. Im boring as fuck now.

I pulled a quick tag team, dp video of your girl, for research purposes only. Everyone seemed to been having a nice time.