Humble Brag / One-Up Thread

[Eaton Beaver]

had sex with this Italian chick once and when she got ready to climax her pussy would tense up a lot and then she would queef really loud. It freaked me out and turned me on simultaneously.

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

had sex with this Italian chick once and when she got ready to climax her pussy would tense up a lot and then she would queef really loud. It freaked me out and turned me on simultaneously.

Ur sick

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

That first time it happens is like the most shockingly erotic thing ever! I can remember plowing gal on a bathroom sink and getting hosed down. It must’ve been like 5 to 10 seconds of “deer in headlights” on my part, and her being very self-conscious.. then I looked up at her, and slid back in for more. Truthfully, it didn’t take long at all after that, and I have yet to ever get as hard, although it’s not for a lack of effort.

Hosed down haha. This is my fave thread of all time easily

 

[Eaton Beaver]

When I was a senior I took my derby car to the town car wash to spray off the motor grease. My buddy backed the trailer up and I started washing while slamming a beer. A sophomore hottie walked by with her friends and started flirting so I closed the wash bay door down to the hitch and went to town on her in the back seat. When done I noticed she had cum and broken glass stuck her butt.

 

[#HBD]

Oh for sure. Bunch of drug and alcohol fueled sex addicts.

Ya, I’m REALLY close now. More.

I dated a gal that loved fooling around when she was on the rag (may have mentioned her before). We were traveling from Neb back to Texas and stopped to stay the night at an Indian hotel and casino. She wanted to get busy even though she just started her period. The poor maids must’ve thought someone killed a Buffalo in the bed. Certainly had to throw everything away, or burn it.

no need to visit xnxx anymore as long as tPB'ers keep delivering the goods ITT.

had sex with this Italian chick once and when she got ready to climax her pussy would tense up a lot and then she would queef really loud. It freaked me out and turned me on simultaneously.

We need to know more(every last detail) detail around your encounter with Miss Farrah…

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

We need to know more(every last detail) detail around your encounter with Miss Farrah…

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All I remember was he wouldn’t divulge the cost and she warnedhim several times for excessive grabbing

 

[Huskerbuck85]

Ah Shit I can probably throw quite a few unusual ones out there. I've had a crazy stupid life. I really need to start writing this stuff down. Here are a few:
-Worked Security for Steven Segal
-A drunken Tommy Lasorda tried taking a swing at me
-Was in a Movie with Patrick Swayze
-Tone Loc's Band members had to help me out in a fight when I was pinned to the front of the band stage in a fight with 3 Yuge Samoans
-Pissed off Brittany Spears enough that she mentioned it in People Magazine
-Made fun of Ian Ziering so much that he came back the next night and wanted to be friends
-Sat at a picnic table with President Ford
-Have Drank with 6 NFL QB's who were in a Super Bowl (John Elway, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, Buddy Brister, Jim Miller, Brian Griese)
-Trained Joey "The Clown" Lombardo's grandson for a job. (Joey might be the most famous Mafia hitman in Chicago history)
-my Chicago cop buddies took me and a lady friend I met at a bar in their Cop Car at 90+ mph down Michigan Avenue at 3am, with the lights on
-Outran about 30 Machine Gun toting Mexican Federalies in Mazatlan
-had a Machine Gun put to my head in Burma/Myanmar
-Cursed out Bob Marley's band The Wailers for leaving a stage early. About the only time I ever came unglued on a band
-Got into a fight with the Austrian Ski Team
-Almost was involved in a brawl with a women's professional football team at the Strip Joint Shotgun Willies in Denver. The starting Safety was mad I was getting more attention than her from the Strippers. Later she actually bought me a Lap Dance. That Lesbian rocked a better Mustache than me.
-watched a football game with Tom Osborne
-Lived on a Sail Boat for 3 weeks in the Bahamas
-slept with a Playboy Playmate and also another woman who was in Playboy for the Girls of Radio issue
-attended a few Jerry Springer Shows, actually was in some of the crowd shots
-have had beers with Eddie Vedder numerous times
-carried Olympic Gold Medalist Johhny Mosely out the back door of my bar at a Ski Race Party because he was so drunk he couldn't walk and would have gotten in trouble if his sponsors saw him so wasted. Was cursed out the next day by the Race Officials because he was too hung over to race.
-Almost threw Trey Stone (South Park) out of my bar. Turns out he wasn't being an asshole, was just wasted
-Almost threw Daryl Hannah out of my bar, she was out of her mind on drugs but had a security guy with her so let her stay as long as she stayed awake
-have bartended in 5 countries (USA, Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand, Bahamas)
-Stayed at the Rockefellers house in Aspen.
-Walked up on one of the twin girls from the movie The Great Outdoors while she was get fucked on my Picnic Table


@vailhusker gotta have some serious stories too.

I feel like there should be more. I want to keep reading them 😂
Elaborate on a couple of them. Like pissing off B Spears and the chick getting plowed on your table. Has to be some good stories in here.

 

[iruletheskool]

As the only documented follower of Christ on the board, y'all mother fuckers need Jesus

I'm a seminary grad.. can confirm

 

[Huskerbuck85]

My ole man

My FIL was in charge of a M113 when he served for 2 years in the Indian army and was stationed on the Pakistan border.
(on the Pakistan/Gujarat border tho, so super chill cuz its literally the only part of the border the 2 countries agree upon and recognize. The huge Kutch salt marsh and a river divide the countries)


Anyways, he always jokes about how the only time they ever drove it/got it out of the barn was when a politician was visiting the border and his head officer would order all them out. Other than that all the vehicles sat inside to make sure nothing broke and required maintenance costs and also not waste diesel. He said in the Indian army you want to make the politicians feel like they are getting their money's worth BUT you also don't want to get in trouble for incurring high costs.


Militaries are the same all over the world, politicians and officials can spend Billions/Trillions without a care in the world but if a solider loses/breaks 1 piece of equipment its a HUGE deal and my God there will be consequences and accountability.

My FIL was in charge of a M113 when he served for 2 years in the Indian army and was stationed on the Pakistan border.
(on the Pakistan/Gujarat border tho, so super chill cuz its literally the only part of the border the 2 countries agree upon and recognize. The huge Kutch salt marsh and a river divide the countries)


Anyways, he always jokes about how the only time they ever drove it/got it out of the barn was when a politician was visiting the border and his head officer would order all them out. Other than that all the vehicles sat inside to make sure nothing broke and required maintenance costs and also not waste diesel. He said in the Indian army you want to make the politicians feel like they are getting their money's worth BUT you also don't want to get in trouble for incurring high costs.


Militaries are the same all over the world, politicians and officials can spend Billions/Trillions without a care in the world but if a solider loses/breaks 1 piece of equipment its a HUGE deal and my God there will be consequences and accountability.

My ole man can tell the story better but in some training he was shooting machine guns. They always wanted you firing off a few rounds then hold and fire some more. Well he just laid into it and got that barrel glowing red while his sergeant screamed at him until he stopped. Apparently they didn’t like you ruining a $500 gun. Cheap bitches

 

[Huskerbuck85]

One of my better ones is I had a threesome with my ex and her smoking hot friend. They called me one night when I was omw home from the bar and caught me by surprise asking if they could come over right then to have a threesome. Of course I said yes. Hadn't ever met the friend before and both her and my ex were naked in my room within 5 mins of coming over. Current GF is also looking for another female to join in the fun so hopefully can make round 2 happen one of these days.

God bless you…scratch that….god bless the women you hang out with

 

[Huskerbuck85]

I was plowing a random girl in college once and she also told me to get a towel so I did. Ends up making such a mess that I had to throw out the mattress. The towel did absolutely nothing. It would have been like someone on the Titanic using a gallon bucket to try to prevent it from sinking.

I picked one up 6 summers ago at a friend’s wedding. She was 2 classes ahead of me and everyone dreamed (including me) about plowing her back in HS and beyond. Hadn’t said 2 words to her my whole life (36 now) but when I got to the reception took one look and she was on me. Went to an after party then she rode along to drop a friend off 15 miles out of town. Didn’t make it out of his driveway and she was riding me like a bull. I literally felt gushes and gushes the whole time she rode me. She’s like “I’m sorry it’s never been this bad before”. My response is fuck that, keep it going. My seat to this day has a white outline like sweat but little does my ole lady know, it’s another woman’s pussy spray.
She was in from Texas staying with her parents. When I dropped her off the next day her dad was in the driveway and asked if I wanted to come in for pancakes knowing full well I just plowed his daughter. He was our long time cop! Pretty funny shit

 

[Huskerbuck85]

I was plowing a random girl in college once and she also told me to get a towel so I did. Ends up making such a mess that I had to throw out the mattress. The towel did absolutely nothing. It would have been like someone on the Titanic using a gallon bucket to try to prevent it from sinking.

I plowed one in college that left a basketball size spot on my bed. Strategy then was a soft side water bed. Had that plastic type water bag or whatever. East cleanup. She didn’t mention getting a towel but could have used one.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

It shouldn’t… I think my wife would seriously consider a divorce if she knew about a lot of the ridiculous shit I used to do. The few times I have told her some of the more reserved stories, she’s been absolutely appalled.

They were all whores, man. She’s just putting on a front.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

She was drunk at a bbq at my buddies apartment complex. Him as his dad lived there. She was there with a friend who lived there. His Dad was out getting drunk with everyone and couple of us were hanging out inside buddies apartment. She came barging In drunk off her ass saying she was going to spank us for drinking. I told her she could spank me all she wants and she kind of threw her self on me on the couch. We started going at it, she then proceeded to pull my dick out in front of everyone and started to suck it. At that point my buddies went and closed the door and the windows and I took her back to a bedroom. No anal, but did stink some fingers in her butt. From what I know she slept with at least 2 other students.

An old friend of mine used to be married to that teacher in tecumseh, ne that got caught a few years back screwing her student in 2 different counties. I always envied the students like yourself. We never had a teacher hot enough to try.

 

[Jim14510]

An old friend of mine used to be married to that teacher in tecumseh, ne that got caught a few years back screwing her student in 2 different counties. I always envied the students like yourself. We never had a teacher hot enough to try.

Had a classmate that claimed he fucked one of the teachers but I'm 98% sure he was full of shit.

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

An old friend of mine used to be married to that teacher in tecumseh, ne that got caught a few years back screwing her student in 2 different counties. I always envied the students like yourself. We never had a teacher hot enough to try.

We had dogs. Not fair

 

[Huskerbuck85]

We had dogs. Not fair

Same. Seems there are a lot more younger teachers these days. Kids now need to know they’re all whores. Just have to bring out their “inner whore”

 

[#HBD]

We need to know more(every last detail) detail around your encounter with Miss Farrah…

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@lee_carvallo_12 What say ye?!?!

 

[Eaton Beaver]

Same. Seems there a lot more younger teachers these days. Kids now need to know they’re all whores. Just have to bring out their “inner whore”

Most teachers not married are like this!! I had 2 of them jerk me off while studying!! Or supposed to be! They just want too be liked like everyone else! Plus they can feel the natural testosterone in the air during the school hours!

 

[Huskerbuck85]

Most teachers not married are like this!! I had 2 of them jerk me off while studying!! Or supposed to be! They just want too be liked like everyone else! Plus they can feel the natural testosterone in the air during the school hours!

Elaborate a little more. Where does one get jacked off by two different teachers while at school? You make me want to go back in time.