As a kid, what is the biggest asshole thing you ever did?

[sexmonster]

Yeah it was pretty low and irresponsible. I understand you parting ways with me

Despicable actually

 

[sexmonster]

Use it wisely. The power can go to your head. Soon, you're not sending the poop. The poop is sending you.

Might be my new favorite poster

 

[sexmonster]

There was a time in Palm Springs and I had just gotten back from Afghanistan. A couple others and myself rented a condo and it was the first weekend back. Sexmonster isn't a dance floor guy but I get going with this cute Latina with a fatass (actual, not Marine standards fat chick). Convince her to leave since our spot was walking distance. Almost there and she breaks down on the sidewalk! What's this about? She says her husband died 5 months ago and she doesn't know what to do. After much drunk convincing I get her back and we're fvckin...she starts screaming ohhhh Casey fvck me Casey while balling. My name is not Casey. Well, ok she was screaming her dead husbands name while I'm fuckin her, essentially summoning him through my cock. But she said fuck me so I kept going. pulled out and she had a face full of tears and cum

Her parents showed up at the condo banging on the door and windows. My boys let them in. It was ugly.

 

[jaihawk]

My best friend growing up lived about a quarter mile north of 14th and Superior, back when that was out in the country. In the summer, I'd bike to his place and we'd camp out in the backyard. There was a Hy-Vee at 14th and Superior back then so we'd go load up on soda and sugar and concoct ways to ruin people's lives. We made a stuffed body out of some old jeans and shirt, tied a rope to it and would swing it down of a light pole at cars that were driving down the road at night. Sometimes we climb up the light pole with a bucket of water and try to drop it on a car as it drove down the road at night.

Looking back at it now, we really were assholes... Really could have ended up killing somebody.

 

[Eaton Beaver]

I had a friend who had a brother named Jed with Down syndrome. Me and my younger sister would go over to my buddies house to swim all the time in the summer.

Jed was older and much bigger. I was probably 8, my sister was 6. Jed was probably 13 and about 180 lbs. Jed couldn’t talk at all but he thought it was really fun to latch on to my sister and proceed to sink down to the bottom of the pool and hold her down there for as long as he could. This obviously traumatized my 6 year old sister to have a 180 lb downs kid try to drown you every time you went swimming.

So, being small and weak I couldn’t really beat Jeds ass but what I could do was shit in the pool and blame it on Jed. Which is what I did. Jed couldn’t defend himself since he couldn’t speak English and was banned from the pool for a few weeks which meant we could swim in peace.

 

[sexmonster]

I came to confess my rock throwing prowess sin as well. Nailed a family friend’s youngest brother. Helluva throw on my part, TBH, but there’s no covering up all that blood. Got my ass whipped by the old man, and I deserved it.

Was at grandpa's farm and was throwing rocks lobbing them in the air. Aimed one at a cow staring at me and it dropped down and hit him right between the eyes. He didn't flinch just kept staring at me. I felt so damn bad.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

Despicable actually

You’ll get over it

 

[sexmonster]

You’ll get over it

My chocolate lab was killed by someone who stole some Behlen company trucks while drunk and chased him down.

Tell me why you should be exonerated and I will take 3 days to consider your fate.

 

[RedSavage]

Re-reading this thread prompted an old memory that I had deliberately buried (at least until the statute of limitations is up). Waaaaay back in the day before the "Harvey Oaks" subdivision was a thing it was an old farm. For those of you not intimately familiar with "West O", that's roughly 150th & West Center Road, north side, east of the train tracks & trestle. So word got out that the farm had been sold for the new development, and the people living there moved out and it sat empty for a while.

Well, four of us from the old neighborhood thought it would be really helpful of us if we helped them knock it down. Armed with a "universal ignition key" (flat blade screwdriver, firmly smack it into the keyhole and twist to the right - like @Elizabeth Reed probably does during the sects while yelling "Takedown - 2 points!"), my mechanically inclined neighbor (let's call him Tom because that's his name) managed to fire up a full-blown, genuine Caterpillar issued bull dozer. Just what a group of juvenile delinquents needs to be operating in the dark, amIright?

A few moments to familiarize ourselves with the operating controls and we set off on a path of destruction, knocking down most of walls on the house before we turned our attention to the barn. Here's where our lack of engineering prowess revealed itself as Tom was bright enough to raise the bucket hoping to knock it over, but we went through it and part of the barn fell on us (Tom was driving, the rest of us were standing on the rear trailer hitch). A couple of us got knocked off by the falling lumber, and Tom started to back the bulldozer up trying to get out from under the barn. We barely got off to the side before Tom went whizzing by in reverse - we're lucky we weren't crushed by the tracks, no shit.

When we were all clear of the barn, those of us that were nearly @died during the backup incident started yelling a Tom cursing him out for nearly killing us. He had a short fuse, and that pissed him off, so Tom promptly spun the bulldozer away from the barn, pointed it north in the general direction of a lake that was on the property, lifted the lever that controlled the engine speed, slammed it into gear and jumped off the damn thing. The last thing any of us saw was a bulldozer cruising over the hill, bucket mounted at chest height, with only God knows what in its path. The rest of us took one look at each other, yelled "Oh shit" and scrambled for the getaway car.

While the act of knocking down the old house & barn was certainly mischievous, it didn't really do any property damage as those buildings were slated for demolition the next day. However, the runaway bulldozer is still something I can see chugging north over that hill if I close my eyes some 46 years later. I have no clue where that bulldozer wound up, but the incident didn't make the Omaha World-Herald so we were left to assume nobody died and it either found the lake or a big Cottonwood tree, etc. and came to a rest.

This reminded me of the time a buddy and I went into Legacy right when they first started developing it. Found a backhoe loader unlocked, checked under the seat and there was the universal key in a little tool box. Started that bitch right up. Initially was just driving it around but then decided to get more daring and try to dig a hole. Long story short, we were on somewhat of a slope and the damn thing just about flipped. Immediately shut it off and got tf out of there. I'm still surprised to this day we didn't flip it (at least while we were there - possible it did with the way we left it).

The stuff about rock throwing reminded me of the time my friends and I had a water balloon launcher and decided water balloons weren't enough fun. So we got some golf balls. Took the launcher to the trees on the west side of 168th, by the park in mission park and decided to launch them at the side of cars that were driving down 168th. Definitely nailed a few and in hindsight that was real dumb as we could've seriously hurt someone.

 

[Eaton Beaver]

Was at grandpa's farm and was throwing rocks lobbing them in the air. Aimed one at a cow staring at me and it dropped down and hit him right between the eyes. He didn't flinch just kept staring at me. I felt so damn bad.

I did the same thing but with a golf ball and driver off my backyard deck. My friends and family gave me a standing ovation. Did not feel bad.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

My chocolate lab was killed by someone who stole some Behlen company trucks while drunk and chased him down.

Tell me why you should be exonerated and I will take 3 days to consider your fate.

Was young, dum and full of cum. Sadly I shot the wrong kind of load at the wrong kind of bitch.
Sorry to hear about your lab. I lost one also but under less fucked up circumstances.

 

[Boomerwatch.com]

There was a time in Palm Springs and I had just gotten back from Afghanistan. A couple others and myself rented a condo and it was the first weekend back. Sexmonster isn't a dance floor guy but I get going with this cute Latina with a fatass (actual, not Marine standards fat chick). Convince her to leave since our spot was walking distance. Almost there and she breaks down on the sidewalk! What's this about? She says her husband died 5 months ago and she doesn't know what to do. After much drunk convincing I get her back and we're fvckin...she starts screaming ohhhh Casey fvck me Casey while balling. My name is not Casey. Well, ok she was screaming her dead husbands name while I'm fuckin her, essentially summoning him through my cock. But she said fuck me so I kept going. pulled out and she had a face full of tears and cum

Her parents showed up at the condo banging on the door and windows. My boys let them in. It was ugly.

One could say the sex was......heavenly...

Sorry.

 

[Dble E]

Was at grandpa's farm and was throwing rocks lobbing them in the air. Aimed one at a cow staring at me and it dropped down and hit him right between the eyes. He didn't flinch just kept staring at me. I felt so damn bad.

I am starting to think I have brothers from another mother sometimes. I threw a small log at a cat one time not fully thinking I could hit it. I did. Still feel bad to this day.

 

[sexmonster]

One could say the sex was......heavenly...

Sorry.

 

[nscottie]

I was about 10 and at some church camp. All the toilets were outhouses. There was this one asshole kid that kept picking on this disabled kid. Really pissed me off.

One day when this asshole was swimming, I took his brand new tennis shoes and threw them down the outhouse hole.

Damned if he didn’t have someone hold his legs and lower him into the outhouse to retrieve them.

 

[Woodrow F Call]

The equipment stories reminded me of a really big asshole thing myself, a local buddy, and another guy our age we knew (Devin)from El Reno OK.

2003 just outside of El Reno, rainy day on custom wheat harvest. Evening cruise throwing down beers, we stumble across 2 all but brand new case 2388 combines at a field edge that were owned by a Canadian crew. Anything from rocks, to metal oil field signs (basically anything we could lift and chuck into the header) all got ran through those combines.

I'm talking we could've done anywhere from a couple thousand, to 10-15k worth of damage to those machines.

Devin runs over a raccoon on accident a few miles away from the scene, throws it in the back, goes back to the crime scene and stuffs it behind the operator's seat of the one combine.

I feel like a huge cocksucker after typing that one out.

 

[sexmonster]

The equipment stories reminded me of a really big asshole thing myself, a local buddy, and another guy our age we knew (Devin)from El Reno OK.

2003 just outside of El Reno, rainy day on custom wheat harvest. Evening cruise throwing down beers, we stumble across 2 all but brand new case 2388 combines at a field edge that were owned by a Canadian crew. Anything from rocks, to metal oil field signs (basically anything we could lift and chuck into the header) all got ran through those combines.

I'm talking we could've done anywhere from a couple thousand, to 10-15k worth of damage to those machines.

Devin runs over a raccoon on accident a few miles away from the scene, throws it in the back, goes back to the crime scene and stuffs it behind the operator's seat of the one combine.

I feel like a huge cocksucker after typing that one out.

How old were ya woody

They were Canadian. Should go farm their own land imo. Fuck em

 

[Woodrow F Call]

How old were ya woody

They were Canadian. Should go farm their own land imo. Fuck em

20, so damn sure old enough to know better

 

[sexmonster]

20, so damn sure old enough to know better

You ain't wrong but at 20 I was a wreck. I was in the engineering program studying computer information systems but was doing ecstasy like chewing gum. Wild time

I left for the Marine Corps a year later