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As a kid, what is the biggest asshole thing you ever did?

I grew up with two older sisters who wouldn’t give me the time of day so I was playing a classic game of throw the baseball as high as you can in the air and catch it.
Well the neighbors cat (big orange fluffy thing named Gavin) was sitting in our bushes. I was about 15-20 yards away and thought “no way I can hit this thing.” Ended up smoking it square on the nose. I’ve never seen a cat run faster. Felt guilty when I did and I must still feel a little guilt now because I still remember the dam things name.

I ain’t no dog murderer though.
 
I grew up with two older sisters who wouldn’t give me the time of day so I was playing a classic game of throw the baseball as high as you can in the air and catch it.
Well the neighbors cat (big orange fluffy thing named Gavin) was sitting in our bushes. I was about 15-20 yards away and thought “no way I can hit this thing.” Ended up smoking it square on the nose. I’ve never seen a cat run faster. Felt guilty when I did and I must still feel a little guilt now because I still remember the dam things name.

I ain’t no dog murderer though.
I feel like you took a shot at me. Hy-Vee now! Or is just how you fight on the scrolls?
 
I had a friend who had a brother named Jed with Down syndrome. Me and my younger sister would go over to my buddies house to swim all the time in the summer.

Jed was older and much bigger. I was probably 8, my sister was 6. Jed was probably 13 and about 180 lbs. Jed couldn’t talk at all but he thought it was really fun to latch on to my sister and proceed to sink down to the bottom of the pool and hold her down there for as long as he could. This obviously traumatized my 6 year old sister to have a 180 lb downs kid try to drown you every time you went swimming.

So, being small and weak I couldn’t really beat Jeds ass but what I could do was shit in the pool and blame it on Jed. Which is what I did. Jed couldn’t defend himself since he couldn’t speak English and was banned from the pool for a few weeks which meant we could swim in peace.
 
When I was a young lad, when we’d find lost golf clubs on the course, instead of turning them in to the pro shop we’d throw them in the pond 🙁
That or throwing rocks at cars from the bridge as they drove under.
 
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When I was a young lad, when we’d find lost golf clubs on the course, instead of turning them in to the pro shop we’d throw them in the pond 🙁
That or throwing rocks at cars from the bridge as they drove under.

Throwing rocks at cars was my favorite. Or putting cars in neutral and pushing them into the street to create a road block.
 
This one is bad.

When I was 14 and my friends and I started getting learners/school permits, we would buy several dozen eggs, drive the highways at night, and throw them at cars as we were passing them on the 4-lane.

On warm summer evenings, several of those eggs found there way inthe cars of unsuspecting drivers who were cruising with their windows down.

If a kid did that to me now, I would lose my shit. I feel guilty as hell and looking back, I’m glad we didn’t cause any serious car accidents.
 
We used to shoot this old goat with BB guns. It was an old fella’s that lived in town. Apparently, my older brother ratted me out to my old man. So one day he brings me into the living room and says that they had butchered the goat for meat and found a bunch of BBs under the hide. Asked me if I knew anything about that. I broke like Chunk on the Goonies
 
I grew up with two older sisters who wouldn’t give me the time of day so I was playing a classic game of throw the baseball as high as you can in the air and catch it.
Well the neighbors cat (big orange fluffy thing named Gavin) was sitting in our bushes. I was about 15-20 yards away and thought “no way I can hit this thing.” Ended up smoking it square on the nose. I’ve never seen a cat run faster. Felt guilty when I did and I must still feel a little guilt now because I still remember the dam things name.

I ain’t no dog murderer though.
This one is not me, but yours reminded me of it. I repeat: THIS WAS NOT ME.

One of my high school classmates used to catch stray cats, particularly kittens, take them home, turn his ceiling fan on as fast as it goes, and toss them into the blades until they died. He would video tape it and put them on YouTube in the early days of the site. He had a pretty big following.

He is now in jail for attempted murder. I’ve heard that one of the early signs of a killer is senseless animal abuse, and this guy definitely fits the profile.
 
This one is not me, but yours reminded me of it. I repeat: THIS WAS NOT ME.

One of my high school classmates used to catch stray cats, particularly kittens, take them home, turn his ceiling fan on as fast as it goes, and toss them into the blades until they died. He would video tape it and put them on YouTube in the early days of the site. He had a pretty big following.

He is now in jail for attempted murder. I’ve heard that one of the early signs of a killer is senseless animal abuse, and this guy definitely fits the profile.
That’s extremely fucked up. Screams serial killer
 
This one is not me, but yours reminded me of it. I repeat: THIS WAS NOT ME.

One of my high school classmates used to catch stray cats, particularly kittens, take them home, turn his ceiling fan on as fast as it goes, and toss them into the blades until they died. He would video tape it and put them on YouTube in the early days of the site. He had a pretty big following.

He is now in jail for attempted murder. I’ve heard that one of the early signs of a killer is senseless animal abuse, and this guy definitely fits the profile.
Please don’t lump me in with this guy lol
 
Can't even read this thread, y'all are wackos. Most I ever did was commandeer some pumpkins late Halloween night and smash them around the park
 
This one is bad.

When I was 14 and my friends and I started getting learners/school permits, we would buy several dozen eggs, drive the highways at night, and throw them at cars as we were passing them on the 4-lane.

On warm summer evenings, several of those eggs found there way inthe cars of unsuspecting drivers who were cruising with their windows down.

If a kid did that to me now, I would lose my shit. I feel guilty as hell and looking back, I’m glad we didn’t cause any serious car accidents.
We did that with beer bottles one night. Whoever that was on highway 92 in the summer of 1994. Sorry.
 
Throwing rocks at cars was my favorite. Or putting cars in neutral and pushing them into the street to create a road block.
There was a guy in our hometown that never left after HS, thought he was cool as shit, wore his letterman’s jacket around into his mid 20’s. He drove a t-top Camaro and revved the engine like a fag, trying to pick up HS girls. Anyway, we saw him coming from the train bridge, I rear back with a baseball sized stone, lead him just perfect and KABOOM! We hauled the fuck ass out of there and never looked back.
 
Also, one night we were out walking around town - pre divers license years - and a teacher I didn’t like made the mistake of not locking his truck door. I pissed my bladder full of a 40 oz big gulp onto his drivers seat 🙁
 
There was a guy in our hometown that never left after HS, thought he was cool as shit, wore his letterman’s jacket around into his mid 20’s. He drove a t-top Camaro and revved the engine like a fag, trying to pick up HS girls. Anyway, we saw him coming from the train bridge, I rear back with a baseball sized stone, lead him just perfect and KABOOM! We hauled the fuck ass out of there and never looked back.

I took a shit off a bridge one time on this guys car that was fishing.
 
Re-reading this thread prompted an old memory that I had deliberately buried (at least until the statute of limitations is up). Waaaaay back in the day before the "Harvey Oaks" subdivision was a thing it was an old farm. For those of you not intimately familiar with "West O", that's roughly 150th & West Center Road, north side, east of the train tracks & trestle. So word got out that the farm had been sold for the new development, and the people living there moved out and it sat empty for a while.

Well, four of us from the old neighborhood thought it would be really helpful of us if we helped them knock it down. Armed with a "universal ignition key" (flat blade screwdriver, firmly smack it into the keyhole and twist to the right - like @Elizabeth Reed probably does during the sects while yelling "Takedown - 2 points!"), my mechanically inclined neighbor (let's call him Tom because that's his name) managed to fire up a full-blown, genuine Caterpillar issued bull dozer. Just what a group of juvenile delinquents needs to be operating in the dark, amIright?

A few moments to familiarize ourselves with the operating controls and we set off on a path of destruction, knocking down most of walls on the house before we turned our attention to the barn. Here's where our lack of engineering prowess revealed itself as Tom was bright enough to raise the bucket hoping to knock it over, but we went through it and part of the barn fell on us (Tom was driving, the rest of us were standing on the rear trailer hitch). A couple of us got knocked off by the falling lumber, and Tom started to back the bulldozer up trying to get out from under the barn. We barely got off to the side before Tom went whizzing by in reverse - we're lucky we weren't crushed by the tracks, no shit.

When we were all clear of the barn, those of us that were nearly @died during the backup incident started yelling a Tom cursing him out for nearly killing us. He had a short fuse, and that pissed him off, so Tom promptly spun the bulldozer away from the barn, pointed it north in the general direction of a lake that was on the property, lifted the lever that controlled the engine speed, slammed it into gear and jumped off the damn thing. The last thing any of us saw was a bulldozer cruising over the hill, bucket mounted at chest height, with only God knows what in its path. The rest of us took one look at each other, yelled "Oh shit" and scrambled for the getaway car.

While the act of knocking down the old house & barn was certainly mischievous, it didn't really do any property damage as those buildings were slated for demolition the next day. However, the runaway bulldozer is still something I can see chugging north over that hill if I close my eyes some 46 years later. I have no clue where that bulldozer wound up, but the incident didn't make the Omaha World-Herald so we were left to assume nobody died and it either found the lake or a big Cottonwood tree, etc. and came to a rest.
 
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Can't even read this thread, y'all are wackos. Most I ever did was commandeer some pumpkins late Halloween night and smash them around the park
Same here this thread has me questioning all of my online friendships. I TPd a couple houses but that’s about it
 
In 2nd grade there was a kid that was disabled in a wheelchair and pretty heavy in my class. I put a sign on the back of his chair that said “Wide Load”.

It’s the one I always cringe thinking about looking back
 
Re-reading this thread prompted an old memory that I had deliberately buried (at least until the statute of limitations is up). Waaaaay back in the day before the "Harvey Oaks" subdivision was a thing it was an old farm. For those of you not intimately familiar with "West O", that's roughly 150th & West Center Road, north side, east of the train tracks & trestle. So word got out that the farm had been sold for the new development, and the people living there moved out and it sat empty for a while.

Well, four of us from the old neighborhood thought it would be really helpful of us if we helped them knock it down. Armed with a "universal ignition key" (flat blade screwdriver, firmly smack it into the keyhole and twist to the right - like @Elizabeth Reed probably does during the sects while yelling "Takedown - 2 points!"), my mechanically inclined neighbor (let's call him Tom because that's his name) managed to fire up a full-blown, genuine Caterpillar issued bull dozer. Just what a group of juvenile delinquents needs to be operating in the dark, amIright?

A few moments to familiarize ourselves with the operating controls and we set off on a path of destruction, knocking down most of walls on the house before we turned our attention to the barn. Here's where our lack of engineering prowess revealed itself as Tom was bright enough to raise the bucket hoping to knock it over, but we went through it and part of the barn fell on us (Tom was driving, the rest of us were standing on the rear trailer hitch). A couple of us got knocked off by the falling lumber, and Tom started to back the bulldozer up trying to get out from under the barn. We barely got off to the side before Tom went whizzing by in reverse - we're lucky we weren't crushed by the tracks, no shit.

When we were all clear of the barn, those of us that were nearly @died during the backup incident started yelling a Tom cursing him out for nearly killing us. He had a short fuse, and that pissed him off, so Tom promptly spun the bulldozer away from the barn, pointed it north in the general direction of a lake that was on the property, lifted the lever that controlled the engine speed, slammed it into gear and jumped off the damn thing. The last thing any of us saw was a bulldozer cruising over the hill, bucket mounted at chest height, with only God knows what in its path. The rest of us took one look at each other, yelled "Oh shit" and scrambled for the getaway car.

While the act of knocking down the old house & barn was certainly mischievous, it didn't really do any property damage as those buildings were slated for demolition the next day. However, the runaway bulldozer is still something I can see chugging north over that hill if I close my eyes some 46 years later. I have no clue where that bulldozer wound up, but the incident didn't make the Omaha World-Herald so we were left to assume nobody died and it either found the lake or a big Cottonwood tree, etc. and came to a rest.
“blade screwdriver/ into the keyhole/ twist to the right”

Gonna need more details on that “twist to the right” technique. Don’t think Mrs. Bomber has seen that one..... 😅

(p.s.....that sounds like a move worth more than 2 points, btw)

.
 
Two more from The Kearney CC where I was briefly, but notoriously employed. Oddly enough, the setting for both tales was the on course ladies restroom.

1st, a coworker “deposited his DNA” on the toilet seat.

2nd, after hearing enough complaints of how bad the ladies room smelled, another coworker unscrewed the floor drain cover and crapped inside.
 

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