Worst places you’ve ever taken a dump.

[Baron Winnebago]

There's a nontrivial chance that I've been the cause of some of the nasty places many of you have taken dumps. You'd probably rather follow Magic Johnson at an orgy than use the shitter after me.

 

[MtnHusker]

This embarrassing topic falls in my wheelhouse, unfortunately.

Was working with my brother in a townhouse that had the water shut off. The baby kicked and kicked really hard. Stage 5 Emergency. I tried fighting it off but knew I would lose that battle quickly as the cold sweats & cramps were setting in. Brother looked at me and knew I was in trouble. Threw me the keys to his work van as his townhouse wasn't far away. Through the graces of Gawd I somehow made it to his parking lot but was at the point where I knew there was zero chance I could make it up his stairs or truthfully maybe even to the stairs. Due to some serious bowel related time constraints plus fear of blowing out my O Ring I had no choice but to immediately grab a trash bag and shit in said trash bag in the back of the van.

 

[Cash68847]

Was at a funeral this morning. Poop cramps hit hard. Got through funeral. Leave and find a small grocery store. Waddle-sprint inside. No bathrooms. Waddle-sprint back outside. There is a McDonald’s 3 doors down. Make it inside—stall taken and the guy in there was showing no signs of leaving his post. Contemplate women’s room—obviously women in there as I can hear them through the door. Go back to men’s room—still no movement.

Decide to go to women’s. Erupt. Then women start piling in and I had to listen to another woman absolutely blow up a stall—sounded like a trucker. Then quickly left to walk past 3 women waiting in the hallway.

Ended up doing it again plus vomiting in a small truck stop south of Columbus on the way home.

Was a harrowing morning.

This fall we were doing a job in Alma and I had a worker shart himself. I gave him shit about keeping working, and to my surprise he did keep working. He threw his underwear away and free balled it. Everyone at the job got a good laugh.

 

[MtnHusker]

Had another bad one. Was in California doing some telcom engineering audits for Time Warner. Including auditing the equipment in a building in Watts, yes one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in LA. The small brick facility was surrounded by a tall security wall topped with barbed wire and a gate they opened for us remotely. It was an unmanned Hub so just equipment and we were the only ones there with no bathroom.

I grabbed a Croissantwich for Breakfast from Burger King. Minutes after eating it my stomach started doing major backflips. Almost immediate Bubble Gut and I knew I could be in big trouble. That Croissantwich got the best of me. Food Poisoning.

They had security cameras all over outside and inside the building. Nasty ass neighborhood. Croissantwich induced stomach issues hit hard so I had to shit ASAP and no way I was going to try to find a nearby business in Watts to drop a deuce or more. Grabbed a plastic shopping bag and ran behind the dumpster at the facility as it was the only place the security cameras couldn't see. Was doing my dirty work when I hear the gate open, and a garbage truck enters while I'm behind the dumpster with my pants down shitting into a shopping bag. The guys in the garbage truck got an eye full plus had a shitty story to tell their co-workers. I shit uncontrollably & threw up for the next day including in a port-a-potty outside another building we were auditing.

 

[Eaton Beaver]

1) Not me, but dad’s buddies, were hunting elk in Wyo. Coming off the mountain the guy in the passenger seat goes, “pull over quick.” Driver says, “just a minute, exit coming in 2 miles. They get to the exit, driver pulls over and passenger looks him dead in the eye and calmly says, “too late.”

2) me - deer hunting in a climbing tree stand. Feel it starting to hit me. Wait s too long. Scramble to climb down the tree as I could blow any second. Get down to the ground and start running to attempt to get far away as possible from stand. Get as far as I can, squat down over a log and think I get my overalls down far enough. Wrong. Unload soft serve feces down the back of said overalls. 🙁

Had the exact same issue and somehow shit in the hood of my coat that I took off first

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

Was at a funeral this morning. Poop cramps hit hard. Got through funeral. Leave and find a small grocery store. Waddle-sprint inside. No bathrooms. Waddle-sprint back outside. There is a McDonald’s 3 doors down. Make it inside—stall taken and the guy in there was showing no signs of leaving his post. Contemplate women’s room—obviously women in there as I can hear them through the door. Go back to men’s room—still no movement.

Decide to go to women’s. Erupt. Then women start piling in and I had to listen to another woman absolutely blow up a stall—sounded like a trucker. Then quickly left to walk past 3 women waiting in the hallway.

Ended up doing it again plus vomiting in a small truck stop south of Columbus on the way home.

Was a harrowing morning.

HA

 

[greybeardedchild]

Alright. Hiking in the San Juan mountains, high above treeline in Yankee Boy Basin. The place is usually a pretty busy hike, lots of folks around. Was half a mile away from my vehicle, 1 mile away from any sort of substancial vegetation, and 25 seconds to find a place to shit my guts out. Very exposed, but I found a rock large enough to hide most of me from most of the other hikers. Did the deed, and realized I had no wipes of any type. Socks were out of the question due to the rest of the hike planned. Found a rock with not too many sharp edges and scraped as much liquid crap from my bh as physics would allow. Fun times. I've also wiped with 2 $1 bills before.

 

[Pepe Silvia]

Alright. Hiking in the San Juan mountains, high above treeline in Yankee Boy Basin. The place is usually a pretty busy hike, lots of folks around. Was half a mile away from my vehicle, 1 mile away from any sort of substancial vegetation, and 25 seconds to find a place to shit my guts out. Very exposed, but I found a rock large enough to hide most of me from most of the other hikers. Did the deed, and realized I had no wipes of any type. Socks were out of the question due to the rest of the hike planned. Found a rock with not too many sharp edges and scraped as much liquid crap from my bh as physics would allow. Fun times. I've also wiped with 2 $1 bills before.

So you had a choice between wiping with a fucking rock and cancelling the hike and chose the rock?

That's some dedication

 

[greybeardedchild]

So you had a choice between wiping with a fucking rock and cancelling the hike and chose the rock?

That's some dedication

Yea once I typed this out and thought about it don't make much sense to me either. Although I was w a bunch of other folks and was embarrassed to bow out.

 

[iruletheskool]

Never had to go there thankfully but Mitch's in Raleigh always gave me nightmares. Whole men's was barely wide enough to walk down and the stall was on the back wall facing out. You'd have to crawl over a guy at the urinal or sink to get to it.

If some other dude opened to come in while you were down, you would get a view of half the restaurant watching you squat.

 

[BIG TONE SOPRANO]

Years ago we used to walk a lot of draws and ditches during December to push deer. Those old guys were always having to shit. One day a buddy of my dad’s had to take an emergency field shit so he leaned his muzzleloader up against a tree, got his overalls down and proceeded to blast the woods. Problem is he didn’t check his aim and ended up “shitting his gun”, not shooting it. Fucker wiped it off on leaves and went on. Tried getting in the truck with it and my dad told him fuck you, that gun rides in the back. There was another guy that was sometimes in our group but not a regular, they cooked up a deal and sold it to him without saying a word about the shitty situation.

Many many years of hunting upland birds and not once has anyone in our group had to crap. You guys have bad genetics

 

[Ripping Lips]

Probably somewhere in Malaysia where you have to squat over a toilet like the one picture below.

 

[Cookiemonster]

Probably somewhere in Malaysia where you have to squat over a toilet like the one picture below.

I’m not confident in my hovering squat abilities enough to shit at one of those. So basically I’m removing that from my travel list.

 

[Turn Down for What]

Got another one. Was 10 or 11 years. Celebrating my birthday with my family at Kobe steakhouse.

Felt a farm coming on. Let it rip. Turned out to be more than a fart.

I was convinced no one saw it or dare I say even smelled it.

Nope.

 

[Ripping Lips]

I’m not confident in my hovering squat abilities enough to shit at one of those. So basically I’m removing that from my travel list.

If you stay at a major brand hotel you are okay. We pulled into a Malaysian Navy port back in '99 that doesn't receive a whole of tourist travel and that is how the toilets were out in town. Most places where our ship pulled into, the bathrooms were fine.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

Many many years of hunting upland birds and not once has anyone in our group had to crap. You guys have bad genetics

 

[iruletheskool]

Many many years of hunting upland birds and not once has anyone in our group had to crap. You guys have bad genetics

Never had to poop while hunting. Also made it 4 years in high school without pooping there

 

[Cash68847]

Never had to poop while hunting. Also made it 4 years in high school without pooping there

This guy about made it too.

 

[Mustangblood]

Never had to poop while hunting. Also made it 4 years in high school without pooping there

You never shit at your high school? Wtf

 

[MtnHusker]

Probably somewhere in Malaysia where you have to squat over a toilet like the one picture below.

Used quite a few of these in Thailand and Burma (Mynamar). Learned a few hard lessons about not shitting on your shorts or shoes. Once I got it down it wasn't that bad unless you had some serious Explodo's