Worst places you’ve ever taken a dump.

[HuskerPAC]

This thread is making me realize that we are a much more obese board than I realized....

Hey my BMI is 23.

 

[Boondock_St_Sker]

Hey my BMI is 23.

What are you a hobbit

 

[HuskerPAC]

What are you a hobbit

 

[NorthWillRiseAgain]

Was at a funeral this morning. Poop cramps hit hard. Got through funeral. Leave and find a small grocery store. Waddle-sprint inside. No bathrooms. Waddle-sprint back outside. There is a McDonald’s 3 doors down. Make it inside—stall taken and the guy in there was showing no signs of leaving his post. Contemplate women’s room—obviously women in there as I can hear them through the door. Go back to men’s room—still no movement.

Decide to go to women’s. Erupt. Then women start piling in and I had to listen to another woman absolutely blow up a stall—sounded like a trucker. Then quickly left to walk past 3 women waiting in the hallway.

Ended up doing it again plus vomiting in a small truck stop south of Columbus on the way home.

Was a harrowing morning.

Mop bucket in a bar. People just take too long.

Side of the road also, not a tree for miles. Went in the ditch, no cars on sight. Next thing I know there’s a convoy of trucks going by.

Fun stuff.

 

[deltau46]

Strip club in San Diego. Emergency poo…had to hover over the shitter it was so disgusting. The door to the bathroom wouldn’t close all the way either so as I was shitting I could look at the mirror and see outside and enjoy the ladies dancing.

 

[lee_carvallo_12]

Any bathroom at a crowded bar after around 11pm at night. I don't miss my younger bar-hopping days for many reasons, including that.

I can’t remember which bar, but one of the shit hole Kearney bars had a men’s room with a couple urinals and then two toilets sitting in the open, no stalls or doors. It was graduation weekend one year and I went in there and some fat older man (someone’s dad or uncle or whatever) was sitting on one of the open toilets just sweating bullets. He would just yell at anyone who walked in the door to get the fuck out, me included. I still have an image of that unfortunate bastard emblazoned in my head.

 

[Pipe Line]

Buschwackers in Ralston. Been some years now. Had one big sharp turd drop. Only walls in that stall, no door. Walls were short at the time. Had never shit in a bar before and learned shortly after that that you’re not supposed to. Lot of dudes in and out of the bathroom laughing as I just waved and said what’s up. Great poop though

 

[BorWhiskey]

My friends call this “would you?” And the game is whether or not you’ve got what it takes use the shitter at that location. No scoring system.

Anyway, most of my stories involve U St in DC and late night food spots.

 

[Black Dean]

At HyVee now needing to poop and 2 people are blowing up both stalls fuckers. One dudes legs were spread straight out so I know it’s a bad one

 

[lee_carvallo_12]

NSIAP - but did anyone ever crap in that old awful front bathroom at the Rail?

 

[iruletheskool]

Never had to go there thankfully but Mitch's in Raleigh always gave me nightmares. Whole men's was barely wide enough to walk down and the stall was on the back wall facing out. You'd have to crawl over a guy at the urinal or sink to get to it.

If some other dude opened to come in while you were down, you would get a view of half the restaurant watching you squat.

 

[Mustangblood]

I probably shit out in the field or tree line 3-4 times just this harvest alone… good thing we keep a roll of blue shop towels in every tractor and piece of equipment

 

[Turn Down for What]

Opening morning of deer rifle season in the 308, 2019. Sitting in my tree stand about 30 minutes in and something ain't right. I'm hunting with my brother and I knew he'd be pissed if I had to bail out before first shot, so I kept my damn mouth shut. Bad idea.

I waited about an hour and let him know I'm gonna climb down and take a shit in the dry creek bed a quarter mile downwind. Even though I said I'd bury it he said no way because the deer would smell it. I told him in that case I'm gonna need to take the truck because I'm not going to be able to hold this in much longer.

He again was having none of it but after 30 minutes of increasingly desperate back and forth he finally caved. I walked the half mile to the truck in pure agony and despair of clenching. Cold beads of sweat dripped down my forehead as I climbed into the passenger seat.

20 minute drive home. I tried to put on my seatbelt but the added pressure had me in knots. Ten minutes in I told him I was going to poop my pants. But since I was in the passenger seat of his brand new truck I used all my willpower to hold it in.

Got to the house and I waddled towards the basement bathroom still in most of my hunting gear. I hadn't thought this through. I slipped off my coveralls and fumble down my thermal jeans just in time for that sweet sweet relief.

Had to flush halfway through the purge because it was piling up so high. I nearly filled the bowl.

(Bathroom was in immaculate condition, before I went in)

You are one tough asshole.

 

[Mustangblood]

You are one tough asshole.

Have, you have one tough asshole is what you meant to say I think.

 

[lee_carvallo_12]

Opening morning of deer rifle season in the 308, 2019. Sitting in my tree stand about 30 minutes in and something ain't right. I'm hunting with my brother and I knew he'd be pissed if I had to bail out before first shot, so I kept my damn mouth shut. Bad idea.

I waited about an hour and let him know I'm gonna climb down and take a shit in the dry creek bed a quarter mile downwind. Even though I said I'd bury it he said no way because the deer would smell it. I told him in that case I'm gonna need to take the truck because I'm not going to be able to hold this in much longer.

He again was having none of it but after 30 minutes of increasingly desperate back and forth he finally caved. I walked the half mile to the truck in pure agony and despair of clenching. Cold beads of sweat dripped down my forehead as I climbed into the passenger seat.

20 minute drive home. I tried to put on my seatbelt but the added pressure had me in knots. Ten minutes in I told him I was going to poop my pants. But since I was in the passenger seat of his brand new truck I used all my willpower to hold it in.

Got to the house and I waddled towards the basement bathroom still in most of my hunting gear. I hadn't thought this through. I slipped off my coveralls and fumble down my thermal jeans just in time for that sweet sweet relief.

Had to flush halfway through the purge because it was piling up so high. I nearly filled the bowl.

(Bathroom was in immaculate condition, before I went in)

1) Not me, but dad’s buddies, were hunting elk in Wyo. Coming off the mountain the guy in the passenger seat goes, “pull over quick.” Driver says, “just a minute, exit coming in 2 miles. They get to the exit, driver pulls over and passenger looks him dead in the eye and calmly says, “too late.”

2) me - deer hunting in a climbing tree stand. Feel it starting to hit me. Wait s too long. Scramble to climb down the tree as I could blow any second. Get down to the ground and start running to attempt to get far away as possible from stand. Get as far as I can, squat down over a log and think I get my overalls down far enough. Wrong. Unload soft serve feces down the back of said overalls. 🙁

 

[Huskerbuck85]

I probably shit out in the field or tree line 3-4 times just this harvest alone… good thing we keep a roll of blue shop towels in every tractor and piece of equipment

Your EFS light come on?

 

[Woodrow F Call]

Was at a funeral this morning. Poop cramps hit hard. Got through funeral. Leave and find a small grocery store. Waddle-sprint inside. No bathrooms. Waddle-sprint back outside. There is a McDonald’s 3 doors down. Make it inside—stall taken and the guy in there was showing no signs of leaving his post. Contemplate women’s room—obviously women in there as I can hear them through the door. Go back to men’s room—still no movement.

Decide to go to women’s. Erupt. Then women start piling in and I had to listen to another woman absolutely blow up a stall—sounded like a trucker. Then quickly left to walk past 3 women waiting in the hallway.

Ended up doing it again plus vomiting in a small truck stop south of Columbus on the way home.

Was a harrowing morning.

T bones or Regs 7 mile corner

 

[slattimer]

good thing we keep a roll of blue shop towels

Pro Tip right here.

I once shit in the women's bathroom in a Walmart. Was driving and had to shit really bad, and a Walmart was the closet. I clinched the cheeks and scurried into the store as fast as I could, I was sure I was going to shit my pants, I found the bathroom and turned in, apparently I was in such distress I didn't pay any attention to what direction I turned. I let it rip and shortly after I heard women's voices....oh....fuck. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for the right moment to make my escape. I about made it out without anyone seeing me, but a Walmart person was standing right there as I walked out and gave me a weird look. Whatever, ZFG, I didn't shit my pants.

 

[2010sarenevercomingback]

On a late night long training run. Several miles in, I feel it coming, but nothing is open, and I'm way too far from home to have a prayer of getting back in time.

It's winter, and there's precious little foliage anywhere. I'm wearing running shorts with no undies to sacrifice.

Best I can do is sit against a tree in a park, and use a couple medium-sized leaves I scrounged up. Smelled horrifically bad.

Then run home with chafing butt cheeks, leaving the mess for some kid to find.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

Opening morning of deer rifle season in the 308, 2019. Sitting in my tree stand about 30 minutes in and something ain't right. I'm hunting with my brother and I knew he'd be pissed if I had to bail out before first shot, so I kept my damn mouth shut. Bad idea.

I waited about an hour and let him know I'm gonna climb down and take a shit in the dry creek bed a quarter mile downwind. Even though I said I'd bury it he said no way because the deer would smell it. I told him in that case I'm gonna need to take the truck because I'm not going to be able to hold this in much longer.

He again was having none of it but after 30 minutes of increasingly desperate back and forth he finally caved. I walked the half mile to the truck in pure agony and despair of clenching. Cold beads of sweat dripped down my forehead as I climbed into the passenger seat.

20 minute drive home. I tried to put on my seatbelt but the added pressure had me in knots. Ten minutes in I told him I was going to poop my pants. But since I was in the passenger seat of his brand new truck I used all my willpower to hold it in.

Got to the house and I waddled towards the basement bathroom still in most of my hunting gear. I hadn't thought this through. I slipped off my coveralls and fumble down my thermal jeans just in time for that sweet sweet relief.

Had to flush halfway through the purge because it was piling up so high. I nearly filled the bowl.

(Bathroom was in immaculate condition, before I went in)

1) Not me, but dad’s buddies, were hunting elk in Wyo. Coming off the mountain the guy in the passenger seat goes, “pull over quick.” Driver says, “just a minute, exit coming in 2 miles. They get to the exit, driver pulls over and passenger looks him dead in the eye and calmly says, “too late.”

2) me - deer hunting in a climbing tree stand. Feel it starting to hit me. Wait s too long. Scramble to climb down the tree as I could blow any second. Get down to the ground and start running to attempt to get far away as possible from stand. Get as far as I can, squat down over a log and think I get my overalls down far enough. Wrong. Unload soft serve feces down the back of said overalls. 🙁

Years ago we used to walk a lot of draws and ditches during December to push deer. Those old guys were always having to shit. One day a buddy of my dad’s had to take an emergency field shit so he leaned his muzzleloader up against a tree, got his overalls down and proceeded to blast the woods. Problem is he didn’t check his aim and ended up “shitting his gun”, not shooting it. Fucker wiped it off on leaves and went on. Tried getting in the truck with it and my dad told him fuck you, that gun rides in the back. There was another guy that was sometimes in our group but not a regular, they cooked up a deal and sold it to him without saying a word about the shitty situation.