Things your wife does that drives you bonkers

[HuskerGarrett]

… does the toothpaste overflow from her mouth and stream all over her face as she chokes begging you to spit but you tell her you paid good money and expect her to swallow?

I know Drue's wife personally so this created a really clear toothpaste visual in my head

 

[Cash68847]

I think it was mentioned but just the random phone calls for no reason. I'll be at work and get a call from her, expecting it to be something at least semi-important, and it's always a story about her trip to get coffee or her workout class at Orange Theory. And it takes 30 minutes to get off the phone

I beat that (not literally) out of my wife long ago. It annoys the fuck out of me when our workers get calls from their women at work to talk about nothing. Work is a place to get away from that shit in my view.

 

[Jim14510]

James if I can vent just a minute here....

You're being a woman by letting a damn toothpaste tube rustle you.

I just pointed out that is the correct way to do it. @huskermack was the one complaining.

Having said that, in addition to squeezing from the middle my wife also leaves the cap off. So it slowly oozes out of the tube and a clump dries on the end. Not until after there's toothpaste all over the bottom of the drawer and spreads to everything in it.

 

[HuskerPAC]

This thread has made me realize that we are all married to the same woman.

 

[Cash68847]

This thread has made me realize that we are all married to the same woman.

This thread has made me realize what the fuck was I thinking getting married?

 

[Woodrow F Call]

I just pointed out that is the correct way to do it. @huskermack was the one complaining.

Having said that, in addition to squeezing from the middle my wife also leaves the cap off. So it slowly oozes out of the tube and a clump dries on the end. Not until after there's toothpaste all over the bottom of the drawer and spreads to everything in it.

She leaves the cap off???

Whack...

 

[HCFord1]

My wife does not deal with stress well at all. Her problems become my problems bigly.

The other week she was being combative about every little thing and she finally exploded and yelled at me to “get the fuck out” for suggesting that she pick up our son when he was throwing a tantrum. After avoiding her for nearly the rest of the day she told me that she was going to apologize but then decided not to because I never apologize for anything (objectively untrue). I asked what I should have apologized for recently and she said for having the smoke detectors going off when I was cooking and our son was asleep. Like I fucking did that as a joke or something.

Anyway, two minutes later she’s breaking down about how stressed and guilty she’s feeling is about leaving for a work trip and missing four nights with our son in one week.

I said maybe next time she could focus on making sure she enjoys her time with us before leaving instead of being miserable, which didn’t go over well.

 

[Cash68847]

My wife does not deal with stress well at all. Her problems become my problems bigly.

The other week she was being combative about every little thing and she finally exploded and yelled at me to “get the fuck out” for suggesting that she pick up our son when he was throwing a tantrum. After avoiding her for nearly the rest of the day she told me that she was going to apologize but then decided not to because I never apologize for anything (objectively untrue). I asked what I should have apologized for recently and she said for having the smoke detectors going off when I was cooking and our son was asleep. Like I fucking did that as a joke or something.

Anyway, two minutes later she’s breaking down about how stressed and guilty she’s feeling is about leaving for a work trip and missing four nights with our son in one week.

I said maybe next time she could focus on making sure she enjoys her time with us before leaving instead of being miserable, which didn’t go over well.

It sounds like you’re getting a much needed vacation.

 

[Jim14510]

She leaves the cap off???

Whack...

Its ridiculous Woodrow. Like living with a degenerate.

I think I'm going to start a tiktok theme with all of my complaints. Newly married - current.

 

[Cash68847]

I just pointed out that is the correct way to do it. @huskermack was the one complaining.

Having said that, in addition to squeezing from the middle my wife also leaves the cap off. So it slowly oozes out of the tube and a clump dries on the end. Not until after there's toothpaste all over the bottom of the drawer and spreads to everything in it.

That sounds like a theme in a Seinfeld episode of why Jerry would dump a woman.

 

[Jim14510]

My wife does not deal with stress well at all. Her problems become my problems bigly.

The other week she was being combative about every little thing and she finally exploded and yelled at me to “get the fuck out” for suggesting that she pick up our son when he was throwing a tantrum. After avoiding her for nearly the rest of the day she told me that she was going to apologize but then decided not to because I never apologize for anything (objectively untrue). I asked what I should have apologized for recently and she said for having the smoke detectors going off when I was cooking and our son was asleep. Like I fucking did that as a joke or something.

Anyway, two minutes later she’s breaking down about how stressed and guilty she’s feeling is about leaving for a work trip and missing four nights with our son in one week.

I said maybe next time she could focus on making sure she enjoys her time with us before leaving instead of being miserable, which didn’t go over well.

Men getting ready to go on a work trip:

Women:

 

[Mustangblood]

5-7 women in terms of "couples" friends is just too much. Majority of women post Marriage are much too Insecure/jealous to have that many of them together in one setting outside of a family event, wedding, etc.


Amazing how guys can manage it though, sure there's always that one or 2 guys that can be an overbearing douche on any occasion but men don't let it affect anything long term. After that night it's over. Women are incapable of it.

Actually we are pretty lucky, They are actually friends also. They just refuse to go and have fun themselves without us guys there…

 

[Boondock_St_Sker]

My wife always folds clothes so I can see it. No matter where I sit in the living room she will move so I can see or hear her.

Folding clothes...fuck me...I fold my T-shirts, hoodies, boxers a certain way...she knows how I fold them. But when SHE folds my shit it's the exact opposite of how I fold it...EXACT OPPOSITE. I've asked her about it and the response I get is.........

fake guess only please

 

[Boondock_St_Sker]

Wife: Can you see why my toilet isn't filling up with water?
Me: the valve is broken
Wife: but can you check it?
Me: the valve is broken
Wife: can you fix it?
Me: I have to buy a new one
Wife: today?
Me: After the race/football game/ANY OTHER REASON
Wife: but you'll do it today? I don't want to use the toilet b/c I have to jiggle the handle all the time
My Brain: USE THE OTHER FUCKING BATHROOM
Me: yeah...today
Wife: Like when?







Let me stop what the fuck I'm doing to drive to Menards, deal with all those mouth-breathers, get back home to see her laying on the couch watching some got-dayum British soap opera, shoot me the look of 'there goes my handy man', take the 30 minutes to change the valve then tell her it's done and NOT get to finish whatever the fuck I was watching....

 

[Boondock_St_Sker]

This reminded me of another one...
She squeezes her tube in the middle.
I roll my from the end.

Like any red blooded 'Merican does

 

[Boondock_St_Sker]

My wife does not deal with stress well at all. Her problems become my problems bigly.

The other week she was being combative about every little thing and she finally exploded and yelled at me to “get the fuck out” for suggesting that she pick up our son when he was throwing a tantrum. After avoiding her for nearly the rest of the day she told me that she was going to apologize but then decided not to because I never apologize for anything (objectively untrue). I asked what I should have apologized for recently and she said for having the smoke detectors going off when I was cooking and our son was asleep. Like I fucking did that as a joke or something.

Anyway, two minutes later she’s breaking down about how stressed and guilty she’s feeling is about leaving for a work trip and missing four nights with our son in one week.

I said maybe next time she could focus on making sure she enjoys her time with us before leaving instead of being miserable, which didn’t go over well.

Truth hurts 'em HC

 

[God is a Husker]

This thread has made me realize that we are all married to the same woman.

it takes a certain kind of woman to be married to internet warrior message board hero badass cool kid alpha males. (like all of us are)

 

[huskermack]

I just pointed out that is the correct way to do it. @huskermack was the one complaining.

Having said that, in addition to squeezing from the middle my wife also leaves the cap off. So it slowly oozes out of the tube and a clump dries on the end. Not until after there's toothpaste all over the bottom of the drawer and spreads to everything in it.

I should add - we no longer share a tube.
So I’m not that butt-hurt about it.
However, it clearly is aggressive behaviors.

 

[BluesBucksNHuskers]

My wife does not deal with stress well at all. Her problems become my problems bigly.

The other week she was being combative about every little thing and she finally exploded and yelled at me to “get the fuck out” for suggesting that she pick up our son when he was throwing a tantrum. After avoiding her for nearly the rest of the day she told me that she was going to apologize but then decided not to because I never apologize for anything (objectively untrue). I asked what I should have apologized for recently and she said for having the smoke detectors going off when I was cooking and our son was asleep. Like I fucking did that as a joke or something.

Anyway, two minutes later she’s breaking down about how stressed and guilty she’s feeling is about leaving for a work trip and missing four nights with our son in one week.

I said maybe next time she could focus on making sure she enjoys her time with us before leaving instead of being miserable, which didn’t go over well.

My favorite part of this story is how she gave you an out at the end and started to apologize and you said “Nah, not that easy - one more jab” totally would have done the same thing.

 

[Jim14510]

Actually we are pretty lucky, They are actually friends also. They just refuse to go and have fun themselves without us guys there…

My marriage got infinitely better when we found other couples to hang out with. Kind of have two groups. My 2 best friends wives are probably my wife's two best friends. Then there's 7 or 8 other couples we both like hanging out with.