Things your wife does that drives you bonkers

[betsch]

Puts full, unbroken down boxes in the trash can. She will literally put 2 or 3 boxes in there and it will be completely full and then bitch that we can't fit anything else in it.

 

[betsch]

She often promises me a BJ, only for me to not receive said BJ before she falls asleep.

Or if I get this fabled bj, it turns into a handy about 10 seconds into it 😡

 

[BluesBucksNHuskers]

1. Long pointless phone conversations
Just a random call in the middle of the day from her. I’m always tricked thinking “Oh, she must need something”. Nope, jokes on me. “OMG babe, you wouldn’t believe what this girl at Yoga was telling me…… *10 minutes later* “Ok I’m going to let you go, I’ll be home in 5 minutes”. For fucks sake, we both work at home together and sleep together, why interrupt what I’m doing to shoot the shit!?

2. I swear she has a 6th sense of knowing when I’m walking out of a doorway, and the only way she knows how to react is having a 5 minute conversation. Especially if I’m holding things, the heavier - the longer the conversation. If I have a 40 pound bag of dog food and a bag of charcoal that I’m taking out to put away - “Hey babe, what are you thinking for dinner tonight? I really want chicken but we’ve had chicken already this week….” I just want to explode.

 

[Adolph Coors]

asks me what time i will be home.

“i dont know, ill shoot for 7:15, no promises”

*7:16 phone rings

“hey where are you at, thought you said youd be home at 7:15”

 

[Woodrow F Call]

asks me what time i will be home.

“i dont know, ill shoot for 7:15, no promises”

*7:16 phone rings

“hey where are you at, thought you said youd be home at 7:15”

This right mf'ing here. My world/job doesn't hasn't once been measured in hrs for the 10 years we've been married, nor 2 years prior to it. You think she'd have picked up on that by now

 

[Dell Husker]

Always being cold - constantly having a space heater or electric blanket going. Then we are in the car, she cranks her side up to high while I keep mine at a normal temp. Common knowledge says I’m going to feel that heat blowing on me but don’t worry, she’s cold

 

[slattimer]

My wife's concept of time and my concept of time do not match up at all. I'm a Lombardi time person. If you're not 15 minutes early, you're late. My wife's concept of time is, be there at 8:00, shot up at 8:20. Drives me absolutely bonkers. She had to leave this morning for a conference in Lincoln, needed to get a vehicle from work. She's late of course, someone else took hers, and is messaging me for a solution. Told her to go talk to this person, she doesn't have time...well, there was a key in this guys mailbox, "will you bring it out to me." She's a 100 feet from the mailboxes....ugh.

Also, she has a sixth sense about getting in the way when I'm cooking dinner. Trying to load a dishwasher, or do some other shit. Are you shitting me....can you not wait 15 more minutes...

And she's never known me other than a coach. And she still doesn't get it that I have a plethora of shit to do on the weekend.

 

[Blackshirts44]

Buys clothes and home decor shit online. Probably 80% of the time the clothes don’t fit right, she doesn’t like it, etc. Instead of sending it all back right away, it sits in one of our guest rooms for months on end until she decides to send them back. There’s been times when she’s lost the receipt or waited too long and they won’t take it back anymore. We have a guest room/closet full of boxes and bags. I’m sure we have hundreds of dollars of clothes sitting in that room. I swear she thinks we have a money tree in our back yard and she can just go pick 100s off of it whenever she needs

 

[Dble E]

If you guys weren't so lousy in the sack you wouldn't have these issues......

 

[jw3]

So my wife is a dance teacher at a large studio here in town. Typically she gets home between 9-9:30 at night. During this time of year she does choreography for the musical at the high school I teach at. So these last two weeks she's been getting home about 10:30 every night. Thursday night she gets all pissy at me for telling my oldest he looked like a schmuck in his clothes. Figured that was the issue. Apparently not.....

Friday I'm trying to get a little and she's like " I'm still getting over being mad at you"

I'm like " for calling micah a schmuck?"

She says "No, for being absent and not present all week"

I go " Are you serious? You work when I'm out of school. Wtf am I supposed to do?" Remember....she was at musical practice 4 out of the 5 nights really late.

Needless to say I was apparently in the wrong.......still don't know why.

"not being present" is my favorite vague excuse for them to be pissed at you for no definable reason. Bitch I've been here literally the entire time.

 

[Baron Winnebago]

"not being present" is my favorite vague excuse for them to be pissed at you for no definable reason. Bitch I've been here literally the entire time.

Yeah, but you haven't been "present"

 

[Alum-Ni]

asks me what time i will be home.

“i dont know, ill shoot for 7:15, no promises”

*7:16 phone rings

“hey where are you at, thought you said youd be home at 7:15”

 

[Alum-Ni]

Or if I get this fabled bj, it turns into a handy about 10 seconds into it 😡

 

[Alum-Ni]

Buys clothes and home decor shit online. Probably 80% of the time the clothes don’t fit right, she doesn’t like it, etc. Instead of sending it all back right away, it sits in one of our guest rooms for months on end until she decides to send them back. There’s been times when she’s lost the receipt or waited too long and they won’t take it back anymore. We have a guest room/closet full of boxes and bags. I’m sure we have hundreds of dollars of clothes sitting in that room. I swear she thinks we have a money tree in our back yard and she can just go pick 100s off of it whenever she needs

Our wives must be sisters

 

[Alum-Ni]

Mine turns whatever vehicle she is driving into a mobile trash can. Drives me nuts. I swear, she must visit every gas station and grocery store on the planet every single time she drives any car..........open the door and there is literally wrappers and bottles everywhere.

 

[Adolph Coors]

Mine turns whatever vehicle she is driving into a mobile trash can. Drives me nuts. I swear, she must visit every gas station and grocery store on the planet every single time she drives any car..........open the door and there is literally wrappers and bottles everywhere.

im working in this, its my worst quality by far

 

[Jim14510]

asks me what time i will be home.

“i dont know, ill shoot for 7:15, no promises”

*7:16 phone rings

“hey where are you at, thought you said youd be home at 7:15”

This is classic. Same thing except I'll say 7-7:30. 7:01 phone call.

 

[...TrueColors...]

Not being able to do the most basic things as it pertains to something like an Amazon Fire TV or restart the internet modem.

 

[Jim14510]

Not being able to do the most basic things as it pertains to something like an Amazon Fire TV or restart the internet modem.

I have to move the pictures from her phone when it gets full.

 

[djw004]

Yesterday my wife takes off for work with the car seat and diaper bag for our 13 month old - only thing is, I take the girls to where they go for the day EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. She works 20 minutes away - had to get our 1 year old up and give her her bottle (that she normally has in her car seat while we go to their place for the day) then put the 1 year old in the 3 year old's car seat and the 3 year old sitting on my lap while I drive 1 block to my in laws to take the car seat out of their car and install it into mine so I can drive to the sitter for the day with both girls. Then I drove the 20 minutes to my wife's work to get the correct car seat for the 1 year old - drive 20 minutes back to drop the correct car seat and diaper bag for the day at the baby sitters so the sitter could drive the girls to their swim lessons at noon where my wife meets them.

Just an hour's worth of work that made me 45 minutes late for work - luckily I work in the most flexible office this side of the Mason Dixon. But GOD was I pissed.