Humble Brag / One-Up Thread

[Jim14510]

I'm currently 6th all-time in the World in powerlifting at 198 for ages 40+. Good opportunity to break the all-time mark within the next year. All time, I'm in the top 0.007% of every powerlifter in the world.

I have 6 national records for 35-39 year old and 40-49 year old divisions.

Gym bests
Squat - 675 w/ wraps and 635 with sleeves -- for those who don't know wraps add 5-10% on squat.
Bench - 460
Deadlift - 675

Meet bests
Squat - 628.3 lbs w/ sleeves and 655.8 lbs w/ sleeves
Bench - 446.4 lbs
Deadlift - 672.4 lbs

Jaysus christ you fucking meat head.

 

[Woodrow F Call]

This is gonna sound a little greasy and wild but hear Me out.

Fucked a chick from a couple towns over that had the same last name as me.

Her dad was adopted and her grandfather was very very distantly in the relation category anyway, so no incest

 

[djw004]

I told an olympic medalist to go to a different track meet.

I pole vaulted in college. Derek Miles was vaulting in a meet USD was hosting. I never have liked him much. In the pre-meet meeting at the vault pit, Derek was complaining about the starting height. It was 11' which is definitely on the low side, but this is a meet where a lot of NAIA decathletes get their marks in so it was totally justified. He wouldn't stop complaining and everyone is just sitting there because what are you going to say. So I, a freshman mediocre kid that's never going to be in the olympics, said "Derek, I think there's a meet at UNL this weekend that has a lot of the top guys in the country that may be more worth your time...we all suck here, and the opening height reflects the competition you're going up against this week."

Everyone chuckled, he smirked, and the meeting was done. Sometimes you just have a good line for a situation.

 

[dsbigred1]

Did a beer bong of 12 shots of Black Label and half a can of Mt. Dew.. didn’t puke.
Won and lost a couple hot sauce chugging duels.
Finished high school having had sex with more girls than I’d kissed.

 

[slattimer]

I hit walk off home runs in consecutive games in college. God damn I felt like the shit.

Did you parlay that into taming some strange?

 

[slattimer]

This is gonna sound a little greasy and wild but hear Me out.

Fucked a chick from a couple towns over that had the same last name as me.

Her dad was adopted and her grandfather was very very distantly in the relation category anyway, so no incest

Interested...town?

 

[Jim14510]

ECNC 1ST team all conference QB and actor of the year. So like valedictorian of a smaller summer school than @Goskers07 went.

Stupidest moment - Had a liquid drano bomb blow up in my face. 4 stitches in my forehead and 4 in my arm. Before I got stitches I tried to play in the football game that night. First series made a tackle and blood was oozing out of the bandage on my arm. Took the bandage off and it started shooting out of my arm about 2 feet. Off to the hospital.

 

[Baron Winnebago]

Guys I’m racking my brain and I have nothing here. Other than I have a decent job that pays $150k + bonus + equity and I work from home full time 🤷🏻‍♂️, which isn’t bad for being 33.

And that’s probably peanuts compared to most of you, so yeah. Idk. Even my HS athletic accomplishments weren’t that great. I’m just an average dude in all senses.

I'd murder Jim for that job or like a mediocre turkey sandwich

 

[That SOB Van Owen]

Not really a brag but kind of a funny story. My freshman year at UNL one of my friends lived on the same floor as Beau Davis. I was over there and ended up in Beau’s dorm for whatever reason. Someone said something to the effect of “Beau plays QB for the football team”.

To which Beau’s girlfriend said “yeah but he only throws to the other team.”

Beau was not happy.

 

[Jim14510]

Not really a brag but kind of a funny story. My freshman year at UNL one of my friends lived on the same floor as Beau Davis. I was over there and ended up in Beau’s dorm for whatever reason. Someone said something to the effect of “Beau plays QB for the football team”.

To which Beau’s girlfriend said “yeah but he only throws to the other team.”

Beau was not happy.

Thought that was going to get gay sexual for a minute.

 

[That SOB Van Owen]

Thought that was going to get gay sexual for a minute.

It easily could have.

 

[Baron Winnebago]

Your tax dollars paid for me to go to a conference where everyone who presented had won the Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel. It was pretty neat

 

[Jim14510]

Your tax dollars paid for me to go to a conference where everyone who presented had won the Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel. It was pretty neat

That may be the lamest humble brag I've ever heard. I wouldn't repeat that again if I were you.

 

[BluesBucksNHuskers]

I’ve been a fishing guide for Tom Osborne. It was the hottest walleye bite of the year and that man insisted on smallmouth fishing with his fly rod at first light.

He barely spoke to me, I wasn’t sure if it was because he was just intense about fishing or if my grandpa was terrified about how I’d behave and told him not to talk to me. We all had to be talked to about making sure we didn’t curse or tell dirty stories around him before he got to camp which I thought was weird given how many years he’s spent in a football locker room.

 

[Jim14510]

I’ve been a fishing guide for Tom Osborne. It was the hottest walleye bite of the year and that man insisted on smallmouth fishing with his fly rod at first light.

He barely spoke to me, I wasn’t sure if it was because he was just intense about fishing or if my grandpa was terrified about how I’d behave and told him not to talk to me. We all had to be talked to about making sure we didn’t curse or tell dirty stories around him before he got to camp which I thought was weird given how many years he’s spent in a football locker room.

Did he catch any smallies? I'd like to fly fish for smallies some day.

 

[Woodrow F Call]

Interested...town?

Your hometown. First name Joni

 

[BluesBucksNHuskers]

Did he catch any smallies? I'd like to fly fish for smallies some day.

This lake is literally overpopulated with them now and you can catch them every cast anywhere you see a rock. He probably caught 100, a few over 4 pounds.

We treated them like a trash fish.

 

[Jim14510]

This lake is literally overpopulated with them now and you can catch them every cast anywhere you see a rock. He probably caught 100, a few over 4 pounds.

What lake is that?

 

[BluesBucksNHuskers]

What lake is that?

It’s a lake up in Northwestern Ontario close to Atikokan, Canada (Sanford Lake). There’s one private camp on it that my grandpa used to own, he’d bring up clients and have my cousin and I guide them. My grand dad was a booster that donated flight hours to the University so he invited Tom up and an Ex-OLineman (I believe it was Aaron Taylor).

 

[Jim14510]

It’s a lake up in Northwestern Ontario close to Atikokan, Canada (Sanford Lake). There’s one private camp on it that my grandpa used to own, he’d bring up clients and have my cousin and I guide them. My grand dad was a booster that donated flight hours to the University so he invited Tom up and an Ex-OLineman (I believe it was Aaron Taylor).

You still go there?