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Here I am!
Favorite Joke
- Thread starter The Other Dave
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Favorite Joke
SoCal_Corn
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This one:
SoCal_Corn
Quarterback
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Or this one:
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Its Halloween night and the doorbell rings in a nice suburban neighborhood. A middle aged man opens the door to his home and cheerfully greets the little boy dressed like a Pirate:
"Bick or Beat," exclaims the little boy.
Looking puzzled, the man asks, "do you mean Trick or Treat?"
The little boy says, "Yes, Bick or Beat."
Thinking the little boy must have some type of speech impediment, the man plays along holding out the bucket of candy.
"So what are you dressed as tonight?" asks the man.
"I'm a Birate, " says the little boy who answers back loudly.
The man then asks, "ok, where are your buccaneers?"
Seeming confused by the stupidity of the question, the little boy says, "They're on my bucking head, you bucking retard."
"Bick or Beat," exclaims the little boy.
Looking puzzled, the man asks, "do you mean Trick or Treat?"
The little boy says, "Yes, Bick or Beat."
Thinking the little boy must have some type of speech impediment, the man plays along holding out the bucket of candy.
"So what are you dressed as tonight?" asks the man.
"I'm a Birate, " says the little boy who answers back loudly.
The man then asks, "ok, where are your buccaneers?"
Seeming confused by the stupidity of the question, the little boy says, "They're on my bucking head, you bucking retard."
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He's been a favorite of mine for a long time. I love his "dark" humor - right up my alley!
SoCal_Corn
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- Messages
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A janitor is cleaning a church near the confessional when the priest pokes his head out and motions for him to come over and says to him, "Listen. I really have to go to the bathroom. I need you to hear confessions for me while am away. I won't be long."
The janitor says, "But father, I would have no idea what penance to give out."
The priest replies, "Don't worry, there's a list on the wall that spells out what to give for each sin."
The janitor reluctantly agrees and takes over in the confessional.
The first person comes in and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 2 months since my last confession and I lied."
The janitor scans the list, "lied, lied, lied...aha! Go say 5 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Fathers."
After thanking him the person leaves and the janitor thinks, "boy this is pretty easy."
The next person comes in and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 8 months since my last confession and I committed an act of adultery."
"Adultery, adultery, adultery, aha! Go say 20 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers."
Again the person thanks him and leaves. The next person comes in.
"Forgive me father for I have sinned and it has been 1 year since my last confession and I committed multiple acts of oral sex."
Scanning the list, "oral sex, oral sex, oral sex, oral sex...shit. It isn't on there."
In a panic he peaks out of the confessional and sees a couple of altar boys coming by and stops them. "Quick, boys, tell me, what does the father give out for oral sex?"
The altar boys reply, "Breath Mints!”
The janitor says, "But father, I would have no idea what penance to give out."
The priest replies, "Don't worry, there's a list on the wall that spells out what to give for each sin."
The janitor reluctantly agrees and takes over in the confessional.
The first person comes in and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 2 months since my last confession and I lied."
The janitor scans the list, "lied, lied, lied...aha! Go say 5 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Fathers."
After thanking him the person leaves and the janitor thinks, "boy this is pretty easy."
The next person comes in and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 8 months since my last confession and I committed an act of adultery."
"Adultery, adultery, adultery, aha! Go say 20 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers."
Again the person thanks him and leaves. The next person comes in.
"Forgive me father for I have sinned and it has been 1 year since my last confession and I committed multiple acts of oral sex."
Scanning the list, "oral sex, oral sex, oral sex, oral sex...shit. It isn't on there."
In a panic he peaks out of the confessional and sees a couple of altar boys coming by and stops them. "Quick, boys, tell me, what does the father give out for oral sex?"
The altar boys reply, "Breath Mints!”
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A family is on a trip through from Nebraska to the East Coast and makes a stop in rural Indiana. The best option for lodging was a 1960s motel. Unfortunately, the front desk couldn’t get the family connecting rooms. Fearful of the separation and what they might watch on tv, the father asks “you’ve disabled porn haven’t you?”
Out of nowhere, his 16 year old son exclaims: “You Sick Fuck”
Out of nowhere, his 16 year old son exclaims: “You Sick Fuck”
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