I feel like there might be one or two guys on here with experience, so I risk all my e-cred (none) by coming to you all. I've come across a fine lass who has captured my continued attention, but has the cutest 6 year-old daughter who seemingly already likes me after three meetings. I'm equal parts terrified by how easily I've gotten along with her daughter (she was grabbing my hand at the end of the first time I met her) and also how quickly she (the lass) introduced her daughter to me (2nd meeting/date). To get ahead of the inevitable, no, I haven't defiled mama yet, but she's asked her friend if she was ever afraid of her husband, a relatively large Italian, if "she could breathe while making love" (I was an OL in high school and in life, she's a tiny Chinese girl...understandable concern haha). All signs point toward sexy time, but the kid and being connected with her is weirding me out a bit. I leave it to the rest of you for guidance and proper shitposting. TIA.
I married a mother of three. At the time we started dating, they were 11, 10, and 7. She was very cautious about me meeting her kids until things got serious between us. Honestly, that is how it should be. It's not fair to children to have people come in and out of their lives. At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself if you're willing to eventually marry and become a father to this young girl. If you're response is "no" or I'm not sure, then you probably should end things with her. Her child isn't going anywhere, especially with her being young, so it's not a situation of "I can just bide my time".
Step-parenting is a very difficult, but very rewarding thing. You'll never be their biological parent, either to mom or to the kids. That's going to mean that you're going to have to have some tough conversations with mom at times about parenting or bite your tongue. It also means that you're sometimes going to get a level of attitude or disrespect that they wouldn't give to mom normally. Depending how involved the other parent is can also affect the dynamic.
At the end of the day, for me, I don't regret it one bit. I had always wanted to have children of my own. We chose not to go down that road together, given how old the kids were and my wife always asks me if I regret that decision. Honestly, I don't see our kids as anything but mine. I never think that they aren't biologically mine. There's been a ton of work that we've had to put in over the years to be a family, but man, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
There’s no short version of my story but I’ll do my best. Married my ex in 1978 and had two kids with her. Divorced 6 months shy of our 10th anniversary. Sucked but life goes on.
Key fact.....I had always hoped to have either 3 or (preferably) 4 kids. I realized after my son was born that I was going to problems convincing my ex to have a second child (contrary to what I was led to believe pre-marriage). We were blessed with a daughter second time around and that was it for kids.
Got divorced in late ‘89 or early ‘90. She got custody but I had my kids with me approx 42-44 weekends annually. My ex liked her “alone time”......I dated some, wild oats and all that shit. At some point I had the office mgr of a close friend ask me if I would be interested in a blind date.
We talked and decided to meet for drinks and things went great. Her sons were 9 & 8 and her daughter was 6. And my two kids were already friends with her kids. Our daughters went to the same after-school daycare and the boys played basketball together with a fourth friend. Obviously that made things easier from the get-go.
Her ex had not been in the picture since they divorced 7 yrs earlier. His main goal was to keep moving around to stay one step ahead of the child support folks. And he had almost zero contact with the three kids. POS to be sure.
Second marriages/ blended families come with incredible complications and hurdles to overcome for many. There were never any expectations that I was her kid’s dad. I was the new “man of the house” and both of her boys had seen themselves in that role prior to my arrival. Soooo, that caused some problems.
All 5 of our kids were good athletes and involved in sports year around. Our lives were dominated by running kids back and forth to practices and going to all of their games. Our “vacations” were weekends at out of town baseball or basketball tourneys or a gymnastics meets, etc.
And as the kids got older they got even busier and the weekend trips were longer and farther away. And we loved it. Sports was our life. I was in a family with 5 kids, I was in a marriage with a great woman who had a healthy appetite in the bedroom and I was in the early stages of making a living being a financial advisor.
Fast forward to today, we’ve been married 28+ yrs, the 5 kids range in age from 35-40 yrs old and we’re blessed with 9 crazy great grandkids. The years have been a rollercoaster to be sure. I assumed early on that I would grow into more of a parent to her kids as time went by (and that did happen) but my wife had been both mom, dad, provider, protector, etc. for the 7 yrs that she was divorced.
That bond created a difficult and odd dynamic at times. We were, and continue to be, a “family” but there still are times when she and her three kids have this bond, this private club, that no one else is invited into. It has been great, it has sucked, it’s been chaos and complicated and it’s also been fulfilling for the most part.
For
@Blackshirts_Win_'ships yore taking a chance dating/marrying someone who already has a child. Thinking that you’ve got to be brutally honest with yoreself regarding who this woman really is, how you get along, what are her morals, ethics, attitudes about family, work, sex, money, etc., etc., etc.
My vote would be that you give this relationship a chance. She sounds like a good woman and you def seem to be attracted to her. As far as her daughter holding yore hand the first time you met her, that would melt my heart. And I’m guessing mom saw her do that too.
You just need to honest with yoreself in the early stages of how things go......my $.02. Good luck. Make sure we get an update...... 😎
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