Dating a woman with a kid

[cwessel76]

I can tolerate my kids and their various idiosyncrasies but would not be able to tolerate those of kids that are not my own.

If you like her and the sects is good then why not go for it?

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

I can tolerate my kids and their various idiosyncrasies but would not be able to tolerate those of kids that are not my own.

If you like her and the sects is good then why not go for it?

This youth is too smart for her own good...which may or may not be a reason I'm entertaining this potential relationship...

Will report back on the sects if/when it happens, but I'm not nearly as worried as she is (she of suffocation concern 😂) on that end of things.

 

[HuskerGarrett]

Funny enough, most mixed Chinese kids have predominantly Chinese characteristics. I also have blue eyes. Recessive as fuck.

I’m part Japanese but no one knows until I tell them. White AF, blue eyes

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

I’m part Japanese but no one knows until I tell them. White AF, blue eyes

The Japanese have always cowered to their masters, be they Chinese or American (fuck, I've been in China too long).

P.S. Japan is the best place on Earth, at least that I've been to so far. Can't wait to be able to get back there.

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

I’m part Japanese but no one knows until I tell them. White AF, blue eyes

P.P.S. One of my grad school labmates married a girl who is quite similar. 50%, but basic white girl as can be.

 

[HuskerGarrett]

The Japanese have always cowered to their masters, be they Chinese or American (fuck, I've been in China too long).

P.S. Japan is the best place on Earth, at least that I've been to so far. Can't wait to be able to get back there.

Ive never been but would like to go back with my grandma while she still can.

 

[Baron Winnebago]

What are the norms of dating in China (I assume that's where you are)? Particularly with divorcees. I have no concept of it.

 

[BluesBucksNHuskers]

Make sure her and baby daddy are in a healthy but separate place. Any drama or old feelings there will make any kind of relationship impossible

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

What are the norms of dating in China (I assume that's where you are)? Particularly with divorcees. I have no concept of it.

Everything culturally in China is 20-30 years behind the U.S. Divorce is still a pretty fresh concept, but in the last decade, has skyrocketed (oh, we can do that? oh ok, well fuck this douche to whom my parents bequeathed me).

In all seriousness though, there are generally three types from an expat's perspective: 1) no chance in hell, Chinese only, the way is shut; 2) I'm curious about your laowai dick, but not that curious...you better work to understand me and my people; 3) all-in on laowai, I'm out on these Chinese needle dicks.

No matter the type, definitely seems to trend toward the old ways of "if I'm dating you, I see you as marriage material," but can certainly be to varying degrees. You certainly hear that Chinese girls aren't easy and that sex is often only offered up if the girl envisions marriage (or the dreaded only after marriage), but....bullllllshiiiiiit 😏

One last thing, dowries are still a thing for quite a few here. My Italian friend had quite...extensive negotiations with his now-wife's family. She had to help him negotiate down.

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

Make sure her and baby daddy are in a healthy but separate place. Any drama or old feelings there will make any kind of relationship impossible

He's in Mexico and as far as I can tell, quite out of the picture. That's definitely a bit nebulous though, and something I'm paying close attention to. Honestly, I hope he's more involved than I fear he isn't. Again, I'm a softie. Little girl should have her daddy involved if at all possible, even if only via electronic connection.

 

[Huskerbuck85]

Much appreciated, man, especially since I've been a bit shitty to you in the last few days. Sincere apologies on that.

I agree on the timing aspect, which has me most concerned, but at this point, I'm chalking that up to the culture. Maybe that's just me making excuses because I really like this girl (so far...definitely has her warts, but I do, too). I think I'm most scared about how cool(?) if felt to have her daughter grab my hand at the end of the first time meeting her. Terrifying! Some real verklempt shit.

She has warts? GTFO Now!

 

[Baron Winnebago]

Everything culturally in China is 20-30 years behind the U.S. Divorce is still a pretty fresh concept, but in the last decade, has skyrocketed (oh, we can do that? oh ok, well fuck this douche to whom my parents bequeathed me).

In all seriousness though, there are generally three types from an expat's perspective: 1) no chance in hell, Chinese only, the way is shut; 2) I'm curious about your laowai dick, but not that curious...you better work to understand me and my people; 3) all-in on laowai, I'm out on these Chinese needle dicks.

No matter the type, definitely seems to trend toward the old ways of "if I'm dating you, I see you as marriage material," but can certainly be to varying degrees. You certainly hear that Chinese girls aren't easy and that sex is often only offered up if the girl envisions marriage (or the dreaded only after marriage), but....bullllllshiiiiiit 😏

One last thing, dowries are still a thing for quite a few here. My Italian friend had quite...extensive negotiations with his now-wife's family. She had to help him negotiate down.

I have no useful advice to offer other than it seems like you're on an accelerated timeline given the likely stigma around divorce/single parenting in China.

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

She has warts? GTFO Now!

Let modern medicine do its thing

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

I have no useful advice to offer other than it seems like you're on an accelerated timeline given the likely stigma around divorce/single parenting in China.

Jesus (Dalai Lama?) take the wheel. Biggest stigma is being single past 25. Male or female. It's full-on small-town Nebraska vibes in that respect.

 

[alt f4]

Whatever your situation is, make sure dad is either a complete standup guy who you'd walk down the aisle with together at the daughter's wedding and would have beers with or COMPLETELY out of the picture... aka dead.

Also, be prepared to grow up fast and learn new responsibilities in a hurry.

I met my wife when my now 11-year adopted son was 3. Biological dad was in jail for domestic assault at the time of birth and my son had never met him. Fast forward a couple years we talk about marriage, adoption, having more kids, etc, it becomes a little more dicey because dad get released early - like 3-5 years early. We walk into the gym one day and he's there (pure coincidence) not even knowing he's out. Nothing happens but it scares the shit out of my wife (g/f at the time) so we speed up our timeline and now I'm in a really shitty situation. I hear through mutual gym friends (we are both meatheads) that he's planning on requesting meeting and seeing his bio son. He was in jail because of my wife's testimony on the domestic assault and he beat her a year earlier while pregnant. I stock up on bullets and cameras for the house. We put our dogs near the entrance of the house at night to alert us. We originally had a full wedding planned for a year and half down the road, but we courthouse wedding to start the official adoption process before he can get anything going.

In the end the adoption goes through, we have our official wedding, and start planning more kids without a single thing from bio dad. Then one day my phone starts blowing up, with calls and texts from my wife about him.... he committed suicide.

So here we are, son is now 11 and has ZERO clue about bio dad. We don't know when or how we're going to let him know, or how he'll react. He does have another half brother out there. I'm not looking forward to that conversation. All he knows at this point is that I'm his dad.

Having stepped into the situation at his age, I've had a lot of difficulties because grandma did a lot of raising him as wife finished school and had a full-time job. I missed a lot of the fun development stuff from 0-3 that I get with our other two boys.

 

[Baron Winnebago]

Jesus (Dalai Lama?) take the wheel. Biggest stigma is being single past 25. Male or female. It's full-on small-town Nebraska vibes in that respect.

I guess the upshot is if it's not going any where it'll be over soon and if it is you'll be married this time next year

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

Whatever your situation is, make sure dad is either a complete standup guy who you'd walk down the aisle with together at the daughter's wedding and would have beers with or COMPLETELY out of the picture... aka dead.

Also, be prepared to grow up fast and learn new responsibilities in a hurry.

I met my wife when my now 11-year adopted son was 3. Biological dad was in jail for domestic assault at the time of birth and my son had never met him. Fast forward a couple years we talk about marriage, adoption, having more kids, etc, it becomes a little more dicey because dad get released early - like 3-5 years early. We walk into the gym one day and he's there (pure coincidence) not even knowing he's out. Nothing happens but it scares the shit out of my wife (g/f at the time) so we speed up our timeline and now I'm in a really shitty situation. I hear through mutual gym friends (we are both meatheads) that he's planning on requesting meeting and seeing his bio son. He was in jail because of my wife's testimony on the domestic assault and he beat her a year earlier while pregnant. I stock up on bullets and cameras for the house. We put our dogs near the entrance of the house at night to alert us. We originally had a full wedding planned for a year and half down the road, but we courthouse wedding to start the official adoption process before he can get anything going.

In the end the adoption goes through, we have our official wedding, and start planning more kids without a single thing from bio dad. Then one day my phone starts blowing up, with calls and texts from my wife about him.... he committed suicide.

So here we are, son is now 11 and has ZERO clue about bio dad. We don't know when or how we're going to let him know, or how he'll react. He does have another half brother out there. I'm not looking forward to that conversation. All he knows at this point is that I'm his dad.

Having stepped into the situation at his age, I've had a lot of difficulties because grandma did a lot of raising him as wife finished school and had a full-time job. I missed a lot of the fun development stuff from 0-3 that I get with our other two boys.

Much appreciated, man. Glad to hear things have worked out well in the long run for you.

I do have some TBD questions concerning the biological father (including his being on a shortlist for a hit), but feel this is all too much in its infancy to pry on that side of things for now.

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

I guess the upshot is if it's not going any where it'll be over soon and if it is you'll be married this time next year

Fuck.

 

[Huskersballz]

I feel like there might be one or two guys on here with experience, so I risk all my e-cred (none) by coming to you all. I've come across a fine lass who has captured my continued attention, but has the cutest 6 year-old daughter who seemingly already likes me after three meetings. I'm equal parts terrified by how easily I've gotten along with her daughter (she was grabbing my hand at the end of the first time I met her) and also how quickly she (the lass) introduced her daughter to me (2nd meeting/date). To get ahead of the inevitable, no, I haven't defiled mama yet, but she's asked her friend if she was ever afraid of her husband, a relatively large Italian, if "she could breathe while making love" (I was an OL in high school and in life, she's a tiny Chinese girl...understandable concern haha). All signs point toward sexy time, but the kid and being connected with her is weirding me out a bit. I leave it to the rest of you for guidance and proper shitposting. TIA.

Tried once and it’s not my cup of tea. As long as you’re smashing guts and you don’t turn into her bitch I don’t judge tho!

 

[Blackshirts_Win_'ships]

Tried once and it’s not my cup of tea. As long as you’re smashing guts and you don’t turn into her bitch I don’t judge tho!

Out of pure curiosity, what is the issue with smashing guts and turning her into a bitch (with the obvious eventual parting of ways in the future)? Or is that assuming you end up stuck with a bitch you created because you can't please a woman?