Almost 1 in 5 believe they could beat a chimp in a fight…who’s the retard on the board? (1 Viewer)

[Black Dean]

Below is the % people think they could beat these animals in a fight. Answer yes and no if you could and how long the fight would last for. You’re in a UFC style octagon with your opponent and can’t leave till one is dead.

• RAT - 72%
• HOUSE CAT - 69%
• GOOSE - 71%
• MEDIUM-SIZED DOG - 49%
• EAGLE - 30%
• LARGE DOG - 23%
• CHIMPANZEE - 17%
• KING COBRA - 15%
• KANGAROO - 14%
• WOLF - 12%
• CROCODILE - 9%
• GORILLA - 8%
• ELEPHANT - 8%
• LION - 8%
• GRIZZLY BEAR - 6%

Rat - yes (1:00 minute tops)
House Cat - yes (5:00 minutes tops)
Goose - yes (3:00 minutes tops)
Medium size dog - yes (10:00 minutes)
Eagle - yes (15:00 minutes)

Large dog - no (20:00 minutes)
Chimp - hell no (3:00 minutes)
Kangaroo - no (9:00 minutes)
Wolf - no (8:00 minutes)
Crocodile- no (3:00 minutes)
Gorilla - no (1:00 minute or less)
Elephant - “”
Lion - “”
Grizzly bear - “”

King cobra - split decision - we both die. I’d get bit but still kill it.

 

[2010sarenevercoming]

Below is the % people think they could beat these animals in a fight. Answer yes and no if you could and how long the fight would last for. You’re in a UFC style octagon with your opponent and can’t leave till one is dead.

• RAT - 72%
• HOUSE CAT - 69%
• GOOSE - 71%
• MEDIUM-SIZED DOG - 49%
• EAGLE - 30%
• LARGE DOG - 23%
• CHIMPANZEE - 17%
• KING COBRA - 15%
• KANGAROO - 14%
• WOLF - 12%
• CROCODILE - 9%
• GORILLA - 8%
• ELEPHANT - 8%
• LION - 8%
• GRIZZLY BEAR - 6%

Rat - yes (1:00 minute tops)
House Cat - yes (5:00 minutes tops)
Goose - yes (3:00 minutes tops)
Medium size dog - yes (10:00 minutes)
Eagle - yes (15:00 minutes)

Large dog - no (20:00 minutes)
Chimp - hell no (3:00 minutes)
Kangaroo - no (9:00 minutes)
Wolf - no (8:00 minutes)
Crocodile- no (3:00 minutes)
Gorilla - no (1:00 minute or less)
Elephant - “”
Lion - “”
Grizzly bear - “”

King cobra - split decision - we both die. I’d get bit but still kill it.

Rat - yes, but catching the thing could take a while. Within 30 seconds from when I grab it.
House cat - yes, maybe 3 minutes.
Goose - yes, but this is going to suck balls, and it's going to mess me up. 10 minutes.
Medium size dog - yes, 7 minutes.
Eagle - probably worse than the goose, but I'll say yes, 15 minutes.
Large dog - 50/50 shot, depends on if I can overcome the excruciating pain for the fatal move. Probably over in 15 minutes one way or the other.
Chimp - I'm dead in 2 minutes.
Kangaroo - I don't like my chances, probably a 30 minute battle of attrition.
Wolf - opposable thumbs give me a hail Mary shot, but most likely I'm done within 5 minutes.
Crocodile- might have a chance here. Involves jumping on its back & tying its jaws shut with my shirt. If I make that jump, maybe I can bludgeon the right spots for a couple hours.
Gorilla - lmao, if I make it 30 seconds, it's a miracle.
Elephant- I can maybe elude it for a little while, but not more than 15 minutes.
Lion - see gorilla.
Grizzly bear- see lion.
King cobra - I watched Steve Irwin, but still probably no. However long the venom takes to work.

 

[LoudHogRider]

Which “hand cannon” can I bring into the octagon with me? Because mankind’s best weapon is our mind, and we used part of that mental capability to invent weapons to keep us safe from the bottom part of that list.

If it’s just hands, I’d win up to the large dog category (I was raised with shepherds and huskies - not afraid of large dogs and know how to defeat them). Everything after that, I’m going to need someone to deliver a stirring eulogy.

 

[Jim14510]

Rat - yes, but catching the thing could take a while. Within 30 seconds from when I grab it.
House cat - yes, maybe 3 minutes.
Goose - yes, but this is going to suck balls, and it's going to mess me up. 10 minutes.
Medium size dog - yes, 7 minutes.
Eagle - probably worse than the goose, but I'll say yes, 15 minutes.
Large dog - 50/50 shot, depends on if I can overcome the excruciating pain for the fatal move. Probably over in 15 minutes one way or the other.
Chimp - I'm dead in 2 minutes.
Kangaroo - I don't like my chances, probably a 30 minute battle of attrition.
Wolf - opposable thumbs give me a hail Mary shot, but most likely I'm done within 5 minutes.
Crocodile- might have a chance here. Involves jumping on its back & tying its jaws shut with my shirt. If I make that jump, maybe I can bludgeon the right spots for a couple hours.
Gorilla - lmao, if I make it 30 seconds, it's a miracle.
Elephant- I can maybe elude it for a little while, but not more than 15 minutes.
Lion - see gorilla.
Grizzly bear- see lion.
King cobra - I watched Steve Irwin, but still probably no. However long the venom takes to work.

I'm with you on everything except maybe large dog and wolf. Agree could go either way with the large dog but I'd give myself better than 50/50. More like 70/30.

Wolf by itself probably 50/50. It's really not significantly different from big dog. Problem in reality would be more wolves. Drops to like 20/80 with 2. 3 or more see lion, bear, gorilla because there's no chance you could keep 3 at bay for very long without a weapon of some sort.

 

[LoudHogRider]

I'm with you on everything except maybe large dog and wolf. Agree could go either way with the large dog but I'd give myself better than 50/50. More like 70/30.

Wolf by itself probably 50/50. It's really not significantly different from big dog. Problem in reality would be more wolves. Drops to like 20/80 with 2. 3 or more see lion, bear, gorilla because there's no chance you could keep 3 at bay for very long without a weapon of some sort.

Have you ever seen a Timberwolf in real life? They’re YUGE. I cannot imagine defeating one, even a lone wolf, even in my prime. No way. Terrifying critters without a weapon to flip the odds.

 

[Jim14510]

Have you ever seen a Timberwolf in real life? They’re YUGE. I cannot imagine defeating one, even a lone wolf, even in my prime. No way. Terrifying critters without a weapon to flip the odds.

I've seen them but not super close. I figure 50/50 I get lucky and get a grip on its throat or get a finger in the eyeball or something.

 

[Kaladin]

Imagine fighting a tobacco chewing grizzly bear

One swipe and that fucker would break every bone in your body

 

[Jim14510]

Imagine fighting a tobacco chewing grizzly bear

One swipe and that fucker would break every bone in your body

Yeah there's an off chance the bear gets bored of you and you're not dead. Zero chance you win in a fight. Exactly zero. Even with a knife you're chances are what? 2%?

 

[Eaton Beaver]

Id give it try. Guess I'm the retarded

 

[Kaladin]

Yeah there's an off chance the bear gets bored of you and you're not dead. Zero chance you win in a fight. Exactly zero. Even with a knife you're chances are what? 2%?

I guess if you throw the knife at it’s head and it goes through the eye you might be able to get out of there

 

[LoudHogRider]

I've seen them but not super close. I figure 50/50 I get lucky and get a grip on its throat or get a finger in the eyeball or something.

 

[Jim14510]

Ok I might be a little high on the percentage.

 

[Jim14510]

I'd also like to revise my earlier percentage on 2 wolves from 20/80 to 0/100.

 

[Herbie]

I would fucking murder that shit throw twit.

 

[Herbie]

Rat - yes, pick it up and fucking gronk spike it
House Cat - yes, punt straight to hell
Goose - yes, just get the throat and squeeze the life out
Medium size dog - yes, snuggle it then CRACK. Next.
Eagle - no, killing a migratory bird and dealing with the feds seems like a real boner killer.
Large dog - yes. Seem medium dog.
Chimp - yes, they are hairy human kids. Give me a few minutes.
Cobra - nah fuck that
Kangaroo - yes, rko that bitch
Wolf - I’m dead
Crocodile- I’m dead
Gorilla - I’m dead
Elephant - I’m dead
Lion - I’m dead
Grizzly bear - I’m dead

 

[LoudHogRider]

Chimp - yes, they are hairy human kids. Give me a few minutes.

Wait. You kill kids?

 

[Pepe Silvia]

If you are 3 minutes into a fight against a pissed off chimp that's at least 2 minutes longer than they need to rip your dick and balls off and start eating your face

 

[hothouse_corn]

Ok I might be a little high on the percentage.

The guy in that first picture is only 5'2".

 

[Jim14510]

Chimp - yes, they are hairy human kids. Give me a few minutes.

With 5 times the strength of a very strong person. Plus they have serious teeth.

You dead.

 

[Eaton Beaver]

I would go the route of pretending to eat ticks off him...and then grab his balls and punch him in the face until he let's go