Stupid shit you’ve done or said (not involving a vehicle)

[Huskerbuck85]

Since it’s like the North Pole here I was reminded of this:
Around 2006 I was forwarded an email. It was a pic of massive cock & balls made of snow and was shooting snowballs out the tip.
I thought it was hilarious at the time so I loaded up the forward list with friend’s names. I pushed send and as it quickly scrolled through names I noticed one that I couldn’t pull back but man did I want to. It was the Dean of my college program. Yep, SHE received a snow dick shooting snowballs from a student. First thing I did was email her and then go have a talk with her and the instructors. They were cool about it but gave me the serious face saying don’t let it happen again. I talked to a male instructor later and he said the were all laughing about it though.

 

[Mavsker]

No one can match this level of stupid

- Me, trying to make margaritas
- Blender, not doing a very good job of blending the whole ice cubes
- Only have whole ice cubes
- Decide to cut ice cubes in half manually with butcher knife
- Cut off the tip of my thumb

 

[lee_carvallo_12]

 

[Huskerbuck85]

No one can match this level of stupid

- Me, trying to make margaritas
- Blender, not doing a very good job of blending the whole ice cubes
- Only have whole ice cubes
- Decide to cut ice cubes in half manually with butcher knife
- Cut off the tip of my thumb

Ouch!

 

[Jim14510]

No one can match this level of stupid

- Me, trying to make margaritas
- Blender, not doing a very good job of blending the whole ice cubes
- Only have whole ice cubes
- Decide to cut ice cubes in half manually with butcher knife
- Cut off the tip of my thumb

Long story short. Made a liquid drano and aluminum foil bomb in a glass bottle. Threw on the gravel road and didn’t explode when it hit the ground. Went into the knee high grass. Went to find in the grass....

Blood everywhere. Cut in forehead and forearm. Taped it up because I had a football game in a couple of hours. First series/tackle blood pouring down arm. Take the tape off and blood literally squirting out of my arm. Off to the hospital to get stitches.

FTR dad helped me tape it up before the game.

 

[Tyneb23]

I was 16, working at Cornhusker autowash in Bellevue. On one really hot July day I was tired of the moisture downstairs by my nutsack and stuck the vacuum on my shorts trying to get a less pleasurable blowy. I was fired 5 minutes later.

 

[Woodrow F Call]

basically every stupid thing I've done in life seems to have involved a vehicle, so you really have me handicapped here OP

 

[Pro_V_DMB]

Mostly alcohol and blackout induced, so my memory is foggy. But I’m sure they were all really stupid

 

[huskermack]

After a few cocktails, I took a shit in my front yard. Right in front of my neighbor kid’s graduation party across the street.
I heard someone yell, “Hey! That guy is taking a shit right there!”

I turned to see about thirty people staring my way. I wiped with a rag I was holding and stumbled across the lawn to my door.

 

[BIGSTICK67]

After a few cocktails, I took a shit in my front yard. Right in front of my neighbor kid’s graduation party across the street.
I heard someone yell, “Hey! That guy is taking a shit right there!”

I turned to see about thirty people staring my way. I wiped with a rag I was holding and stumbled across the lawn to my door.

My wife would be horrified. Not at you, but me doing something like that. In fact, she'd demand that we move - probably wouldn't go over too well in my neighborhood since I live one block from an elementary school.

Mine was just ridiculousness in my college years......nothing specific, but probably too numerous to mention. Late for class, not using protection, drinking 30 beers a night and driving home. This was the early 90's so just a bit different time.

 

[huskermack]

My wife would be horrified. Not at you, but me doing something like that. In fact, she'd demand that we move - probably wouldn't go over too well in my neighborhood since I live one block from an elementary school.

Mine was just ridiculousness in my college years......nothing specific, but probably too numerous to mention. Late for class, not using protection, drinking 30 beers a night and driving home. This was the early 90's so just a bit different time.

This was before I was married.
I knew her at the time, and I did tell her about it the next day.
She wasn't that impressed, but it wasn't enough to make her run away either.

 

[Huskersballz]

Long story short my buddy had a huge crush on a girl who lived north of Omaha kind of in the sticks. He had a great idea of going over there around 1am and sneaking in to hang out with her and her friend even tho her parents were there. Her dad heard us come in so he came downstairs... we tried to hide in the back room but he walked back there and saw us. Called us both the N-word (we are both white) and slammed my buddy against the wall. Called the cops and we had to call our parents who were pissed. Funniest part was my buddy had a bottle of Tylenol in a clear pill bottle in the cup holder in my car. Cop saw it when looking in and was acting like he just caught Pablo Escobar. Telling us he knew the pills were illegal and asking us how high we were off them (we were only high off weed which we didn’t get caught for). Look on his face was priceless when he saw they were actually Tylenol lol after how confident he was they weren’t. Fooking doosh. I probably make more money than the cop and racist dad now.

 

[huskermack]

I had another shit incident the day I met my wife's folks.

I'm from Nebraska, and was therefore a natural pussy when it comes to beer. (I've since recovered from this.)
Bush Light all day everyday.
I went to MI to meet her parents and was handed a beer as I went to shake my eventual father-in-law's hand.
That started an epic day of drinking so many Grolsch beers that I ended up sort of a mess.

When I finally went to bed, nothing would stop the room from spinning.

Her parents live in a modest home with the only bathroom directly across from the master bedroom.
I wasn't about to yak where they would hear me, so I stumbled out the door.
Barfed ALL OVER the driveway. So much barf.
Suddenly.... grumble, rumble, grumble. I had to shit.
I had to shit NOW.
So I did. Right in her parents' front yard.
I kind of rolled down a small hill next to her drive as I shit which didn't really help things.
The only benefit of the roll was that there were leaves piled up against the fence that I rolled into.
Perfect emergency cleanup material.

The next morning everyone had gone to work by the time I got out of bed.
Had a chance to hose everything down without having to talk about it.

Nobody noticed.

 

[BIGSTICK67]

I had another shit incident the day I met my wife's folks.

I'm from Nebraska, and was therefore a natural pussy when it comes to beer. (I've since recovered from this.)
Bush Light all day everyday.
I went to MI to meet her parents and was handed a beer as I went to shake my eventual father-in-law's hand.
That started an epic day of drinking so many Grolsch beers that I ended up sort of a mess.

When I finally went to bed, nothing would stop the room from spinning.

Her parents live in a modest home with the only bathroom directly across from the master bedroom.
I wasn't about to yak where they would hear me, so I stumbled out the door.
Barfed ALL OVER the driveway. So much barf.
Suddenly.... grumble, rumble, grumble. I had to shit.
I had to shit NOW.
So I did. Right in her parents' front yard.
I kind of rolled down a small hill next to her drive as I shit which didn't really help things.
The only benefit of the roll was that there were leaves piled up against the fence that I rolled into.
Perfect emergency cleanup material.

The next morning everyone had gone to work by the time I got out of bed.
Had a chance to hose everything down without having to talk about it.

Nobody noticed.

 

[NEHusker54]

After a few cocktails, I took a shit in my front yard. Right in front of my neighbor kid’s graduation party across the street.
I heard someone yell, “Hey! That guy is taking a shit right there!”

I turned to see about thirty people staring my way. I wiped with a rag I was holding and stumbled across the lawn to my door.

I have to know, what did you do with your shit in the front yard? Pick it up and throw it away?

 

[Faux Sean Callahan]

It's not pass the statue of limitations

 

[huskermack]

I have to know, what did you do with your shit in the front yard? Pick it up and throw it away?

I just left it.
I did throw the rag away.

 

[NEHusker54]

I just left it.
I did throw the rag away.

So you just had a loaf of human shit sitting in your yard for months??

 

[...TrueColors...]

After a few cocktails, I took a shit in my front yard. Right in front of my neighbor kid’s graduation party across the street.
I heard someone yell, “Hey! That guy is taking a shit right there!”

I turned to see about thirty people staring my way. I wiped with a rag I was holding and stumbled across the lawn to my door.

Like... why?

 

[huskermack]

Like... why?

I just really like the smell of shit out in the open. You know - not submerged in water.