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There's a lot. I'll try not to write a novel.
Basically my mom wanted to retire at 40. My grandma was a school teacher for a long time, and was able to do so. Think it had more to do with grandpa's military benefits than her actually being able to retire at 40, but yeah. My mom wanted to retire at 40, my dad was firmly against it. That created a thorny issue that just kinda tore them apart for some years. Any time they fought about anything, it was also kind of collateral from that issue, because the things they fought about were stupid. Lots of cussing from my mom, just ripped into my dad whenever they fought.
The way my dad always handled it, was to basically just sit there quietly and just take it, whatever she would say. I grew up with my dad, so that's how I learned to handle things for a long time as well. Still do from time to time, but that's a different conversation.
My mom ended up getting two DUI's before they split, before I turned about 10. I had to go with when my dad picked her up cause I couldn't stay home alone yet in the middle of the night. Cant' really say for sure what ended up being the final straw, I just remember my mom sitting me at the bottom of our staircase at about 10 and giving me the "I have to move out, but I'll always be there for you" speech. Well, she wasn't. Due to driver's license issues, and being single, and probably still hitting the bars, I would see her every couple of weeks and I'd be picked up and dropped off in different guys' cars. That went on only a couple years until I was obviously able to drive myself around.
My mom's personality makes it hard to be around her. She's super touchy and gets emotional as it gets later in the day. There's a running joke in my family that you can't talk to her on the phone after 5 because the wine will be hitting too hard. Unfortunate. Her personality makes it really tough on the relationship with her and my wife as well. It's pretty much nonexistent.
A core memory I have is during one of my mom's attempts at a custody battle, there were a few nights back when house wall phones were a thing, where she would just call and call and call and call and argue with my dad about visitations and he would hang up on her and would eventually just unhook the phone from the wall. Looking back, not a giant thing, but it was tough to deal with as a kid, admittedly.
Another one is my friend when I was a kid, we wanted to have a sleepover at my house. One of the rare times my dad was actually okay with it, my mom said no. She looked me dead in the eyes when I asked her why and said "because your dad said yes". Just stupid, but they were petty at the end.
Eventually, I grow up, can make own decisions and plans, and just grew really far apart from her. She'd show up to things from time to time but the damage was already well done. She got re-married up until getting divorced again 2 years ago. He was a shit bag who I had zero respect for. We just had zero in common and I was never going to be a fan of the relationship or him. He's lone gone now.
They both sat in the front row, on opposite ends, of my wedding, and could be audibly heard arguing during the ceremony while the preacher was talking. No idea what they said, I could only kinda hear it, but my friends told me about it later. Don't know what was said, but they said lots of arguing.
She has a new guy now that she's slowly attempting to tip toe into life, but it's just not gonna fly with anyone. People ask me my thoughts and I'm just like 3rd guy in my 32 years, no chance.
She's tried over the years to be a mom, but anyone who asks me and I say the same thing, it's essentially just short of being an estranged relationship. I've said this to my mother in law but my mother in law is more of a mom to me than my own mom is.
Sorry, longer than I planned.
Every situation is different, but obviously the reasons for the divorce and the actions of the parents determine the relationship with the kids.
