Why is Cockeye such a dark, depressing, gloomy place?

[Kaladin]

Sometimes when I'm sitting around in my office in Omaha, I'll look to the east across the river into Cockeye, and it always looks like such a depressing place. There's always dark clouds overhead and vultures flying about. I read an article a year ago about some guy who buried hookers on his farm. I just assume that's normal over there?

I've only ventured over there a few times into Counciltucky. The weather was ok but the people were weird and they're all obese and ugly and smelly. It's like Mordor but instead of having Sauron they just have a couple of shitty football teams that no one cares about.

Does anyone know why this is?

 

[Jim14510]

Sometimes when I'm sitting around in my office in Omaha, I'll look to the east across the river into Cockeye, and it always looks like such a depressing place. There's always dark clouds overhead and vultures flying about. I read an article a year ago about some guy who buried hookers on his farm. I just assume that's normal over there?

I've only ventured over there a few times into Counciltucky. The weather was ok but the people were weird and they're all obese and ugly and smelly. It's like Mordor but instead of having Sauron they just have a couple of shitty football teams that no one cares about.

Does anyone know why this is?

They're genetically inferior.

 

[BIGSTICK67]

I've made the drive from Davenport to Des Moines a few times.

I shit you not - the air smelled like manure for a good 2-3 hours. Assuming that's turkey, cattle and hogs, but it was HORRIBLE for almost the whole drive. Finally dissipated about 1/2 hour east of Des Moines. And for some weird reason it's happened the last 4 times I've made the drive, furthering my thoughts that it's always smelled like feces.

To be fair, I've smelled some of those same things up near Wisner, but it lasts about 5 minutes then...DONE.

 

[greybeardedchild]

Cockeye is a perennial bottom feeder on my comprehensive ranking of NE border states. It's usually a race of Cockeye and Missouri to rock bottom, but Cockeye has been holding an edge for the last several years. Contributing factors include:
The smell (as brilliantly described by @BIGSTICK67)
Council Bluffs (as brilliantly described by @Kaladin)
The incest (as alluded to by @Jim14510)
Inferior corn and cattle production.
Thinking they are cool for getting mentioned in political news every 4 years.
All the crooked, racist, and lowdown things their esteemed football program (Cockeye State) and it's little brother (cockeye) stand for.
Kkkirk Ferentz
And many, many other issues that cannot be overlooked in modern society. I believe that a gigantic mistake was made when admitting Cockeye to the Union of the States, and it would rightfully be a 3rd world country if there was any order to the world.
Edit: I'm being informed that IWCC is actually considered the little brother, which makes Cockeye the red-headed step child.

 

[BIGSTICK67]

Cockeye is a perennial bottom feeder on my comprehensive ranking of NE border states. It's usually a race of Cockeye and Missouri to rock bottom, but Cockeye has been holding an edge for the last several years. Contributing factors include:
The smell (as brilliantly described by @BIGSTICK67)
Council Bluffs (as brilliantly described by @Kaladin)
The incest (as alluded to by @Jim14510)
Inferior corn and cattle production.
Thinking they are cool for getting mentioned in political news every 4 years.
All the crooked, racist, and lowdown things their esteemed football program (Cockeye State) and it's little brother (cockeye) stand for.
Kkkirk Ferentz
And many, many other issues that cannot be overlooked in modern society. I believe that a gigantic mistake was made when admitting Cockeye to the Union of the States, and it would rightfully be a 3rd world country if there was any order to the world.

If Cock Eye wasn't admitted to the Union, it'd be similar to Ralston. Not good!

 

[djw004]

They are lizard people, and not the rich kind.

 

[BIGSTICK67]

They are lizard people, and not the rich kind.

Are you one of those flat earthers DJ?

 

[greybeardedchild]

They are lizard people, and not the rich kind.

They take the meaning of "animal husbandry" VERY VERY differently over there

 

[djw004]

Are you one of those flat earthers DJ?

HELL no.

Big telescope guy. The roundness of our rotund beautiful planet is made pretty clear by the rotation of stars/constellations.

Big conspiracy theory guy otherwise, though.

 

[doublewing]

Growing up I had some friends I knew from athletics in CB. While they may have been normal kids and good students, they were always one degree removed from a buddy that was in prison or something shady like that.

I had relatives in the SW Cockeye/NW Missouri corridor. I was so happy when most of them moved out of there as that place was so depressing to visit.

Des Moines is ok if you have to be in Cockeye, but it's Omaha lite. And Okoboji is fucking trash.

 

[Mavsker]

Got my haircut the other day in Bellevue. The barber said he used to cut hair in Council Bluffs and recently started cutting hair over here and said it was the best decision of his life.

He said his old shop in CB was near a gym and people would come to get their haircut after a workout all sweaty and stinky, without even showering. I told him there's a gym next door here too, do people not do that here? And he said "never", something about it being a different/cleaner class of people on the Nebraska side of the river.

He said one of the last haircuts he gave in CB, there was a guy come in for a haircut who hadn't bathed in at least three weeks. Said he smelled like death and his hair was so greasy the scissors would barely cut it. He quit that day.

Gotta say if Bellevue makes your city look dirty and stinky by comparison you have serious problems

 

[Kaladin]

Got my haircut the other day in Bellevue. The hairdresser said he used to cut hair in Council Bluffs and recently started cutting hair over here and said it was the best decision of his life.

He said his old shop in CB was near a gym and people would come to get their haircut after a workout all sweaty and stinky, without even showering. I told him there's a gym next door here too, do people not do that here? And he said "never", something about it being a different/cleaner class of people on the Nebraska side of the river.

He said one of the last haircuts he gave in CB, there was a guy come in for a haircut who hadn't bathed in at least three weeks. Said his hair was so greasy the scissors would barely cut it. He quit that day.

Gotta say if Bellevue makes your city look dirty and stinky by comparison you have serious problems

 

[Goskers07]

Can you just imagine the trauma that must be caused by growing up being forced to see your cousins bumping uglies and your dad sodomizing the family goat? I feel so bad for Iowans.

 

[Havoc34]

Easy answer, God hates them. Cockeye was God's biggest mistake. They're cursed.

 

[2010sarenevercomingback]

When the pioneers were traveling westward across our beautiful new country, the brave ones forged across the Missouri River, while the cowards, the weak, and the lazy stayed on the east side.

That's how it is to this day.

 

[Jim14510]

When the pioneers were traveling westward across our beautiful new country, the brave ones forged across the Missouri River, while the cowards, the weak, and the lazy stayed on the east side.

That's how it is to this day.

I always wondered why they were genetically inferior. Inbreeding was one explanation but it didnt seem to tell the whole story. This makes sense.

 

[Pipe Line]

Went to IWCC for a semester back in the day. Drove to school each day. Just an uncomfortable place, CB is

 

[Kaladin]

When the pioneers were traveling westward across our beautiful new country, the brave ones forged across the Missouri River, while the cowards, the weak, and the lazy stayed on the east side.

That's how it is to this day.

 

[Toe]

 

[herbsinator]

Growing up I had some friends I knew from athletics in CB. While they may have been normal kids and good students, they were always one degree removed from a buddy that was in prison or something shady like that.

I had relatives in the SW Cockeye/NW Missouri corridor. I was so happy when most of them moved out of there as that place was so depressing to visit.

Des Moines is ok if you have to be in Cockeye, but it's Omaha lite. And Okoboji is fucking trash.

Des Moines is a bit of an Omaha/Lincoln hybrid IMO. I was impressed with DSM’s cleanliness downtown (speaking as an Omaha resident) and it had a bit of a college town feel downtown. No idea if that’s changed since Covid at all (like the drop off in the Old Market since Covid).