The Platinum Board Bible

[Kaladin]

And it came to pass that I spake, saying, "Lo, I shall gather the words of the brethren, and from their posts, I shall bring forth a new scripture. I will take their sayings and, with the help of the wise one, ChatGPT, transform them into verses of old. And unto the congregation, I say, if there be any truth or wisdom ye would add unto this sacred tome, let it be known, that it may be written for the generations to come."

 

[Kaladin]

Wednesday, December 11th, 2024

From @DrumMonkeyRobot
"And lo, I say unto you, why do ye vex thy hearts with anger and bitterness? For in this, ye have no power, and toiling in wrath changes not the course of events. Verily, it raiseth thy blood and troubleth thy spirit, and it bringeth no peace to thine own soul nor to those around thee. JoBu hath been chosen as the keeper of the defense; therefore, gird up thy loins, and cast away thy complaints. Accept that which is, for it shall unfold according to the will of time. And in thy patience, thou shalt find rest."

From @Jim14510
“And behold, the voices of many did rise in complaint, saying, ‘Lo, there are postings among us that speak of love between men, and the passions thereof are laid bare.’ And the moderators did speak, saying, ‘Brethren, we have compassion for all who walk the path of love, but we seek that our gathering remain steadfast in the ways of old. Let there be posts of women fair and clothed in the raiment of flesh, with bosoms lifted and forms adorned. But let there be no celebration of the love that binds man to man, nor of those passions which stray from the path ordained.’”

From @HerbRedman
“And it came to pass that the voices of the many did rise up in anger, casting their blame upon McGuire, but lo, JoBu did walk unscathed, and his actions went unnoticed by the multitude. Verily, I say unto you, JoBu was worthy of rebuke, for his choices were not without fault, and I did call out his playing of Gifford. Yet, I do not heed the cries of the mob, nor do I follow the throng in its blind judgment. Even as the people railed against Donovan Raiola, I did not join in their chorus, for my heart despises the folly of the crowd. Always will I stand against the tide of mob thought, seeking truth where it may be found.”

 

[HughJanus]

It came to pass that He and His disciples came unto a field, and lo, it was barren, and no fruit that was good for food was found within it, and no beast or bird found nourishment from it, for there was none to be found in it. He said unto them, "lay thine eyes upon the field in which my fucks are grown. Behold that it is barren."

And they sat and wondered at His words.

 

[Tell_Sackett]

Chapter 1, verse 1: Runneth the damn ball.
Chapter 1, verse 2: Stoppeth the run.

 

[huskermack]

Chapter 1, verse 3: Though shalt not talk of sucking gay cock on tPB.

 

[SoCal_Corn]

It came to pass that He and His disciples came unto a field, and lo, it was barren, and no fruit that was good for food was found within it, and no beast or bird found nourishment from it, for there was none to be found in it. He said unto them, "lay thine eyes upon the field in which my fucks are grown. Behold that it is barren."

And they sat and wondered at His words.

 

[Huskers633]

Thou shalt Dutch Rudder thy Platinum Board brother.

 

[HerbRedman]

 

[Juro]

"And it came to pass that in the days of trials and close defeats, the faithful gathered upon The Platinum Board, a place of debate and lamentation. But among them arose Juan, whose tongue was as a serpent’s fang, spreading discord and sowing doubt among the brethren. And the righteous cried out, saying, 'Why dost thou trouble the flock, O Juan, with thy blasphemies against the Scarlet and Cream?'

Yet the wise replied, 'Fear not the words of the deceiver, for the faithful shall prevail. For as iron sharpens iron, so does adversity forge the spirit. Let Juan’s wickedness be a reminder to guard thy hearts, and let thy hope remain steadfast in the Lord of the Game, for He shall deliver victory in due season.' And so, the board was restored, and the Husker nation remained unbroken."

 

[Alcaus]

The Book of Winter Ch. 1 V. 1-5
And lo, Winter had come and the fields were barren and many a man in which their toil had brought fruit to the land departed for the peninsula. As they fled they spoke words of treachery to the fruit of their toil saying:

“Behold! The fields in which I’ve toiled many a year have produced fruit and yet the father of the fields hath led us astray. Abandon this place and depart with me for I shall lead you to a better land of bountiful riches.”

The father of the fields watched as what little fruit was left departed saying

“I shall feel no woe as I know that thy friends shall disappoint thee despite the gifts thou hast bestowed upon them. For I know that the creator guideth mine hand as if it were His own. Glory be unto Him for His wrath will be brought unto the faithless and their avarice.”

 

[greybeardedchild]

Wednesday, December 11th, 2024



From @Jim14510
“And behold, the voices of many did rise in complaint, saying, ‘Lo, there are postings among us that speak of love between men, and the passions thereof are laid bare.’ And the moderators did speak, saying, ‘Brethren, we have compassion for all who walk the path of love, but we seek that our gathering remain steadfast in the ways of old. Let there be posts of women fair and clothed in the raiment of flesh, with bosoms lifted and forms adorned. But let there be no celebration of the love that binds man to man, nor of those passions which stray from the path ordained.’”

After the diatribe against gayness from the book of @Jim14510 , it seems only reasonable we need some instruction on the folly of hypocrisy and double speak

 

[slattimer]

"Hearken, for this board was wrought in defiance of Dean, he who by his heavy hand did silence free speech and vex the folk with cruel censoring. Fitting it is, upon this board, to make mirth of Dean’s feeble spellings and clumsy grammar, to scoff at his vaunting of touching the goalposts, his proud boasting of his prime rib craft, his wearing of glittering gloves, crafted for women, and his tender heart, quick to take offense. Forsooth, he did banish many, deeming them unworthy for their place in the fellowship of the ‘cool kindred.’"

 

[DrumMonkeyRobot]

Chapter 1, verse 3: Though shalt not talk of sucking gay cock on tPB.

What about sucking straight cock?

 

[Baron Winnebago]

What about sucking straight cock?

"And the Lord said unto Gareth. Ye shall only turn straight dudes. No lowest hangingest fruit forth thou shall remember the Garden of Eden"

 

[Kaladin]

Thursday, December 12, 2024

From @HCFord1
“And lo, the servant did proclaim, ‘I am but weak of constitution, for the slightest measure doth bring forth great distress. Three milligrams and no more, for verily, the affliction of hiccups doth overwhelm me.’”

 

[iruletheskool]

"And it came to pass, that whosoever sought the place of privy relief, lo, it is found down the hall and to the left. Yea, let him who wandereth not be confounded, for there doth the door stand, marked and prepared for thy need. Go forth swiftly and tarry not, lest thou suffer discomfort in thine hour of seeking."

 

[Jim14510]

God damn nerds

 

[cwessel76]

Where’s the part where we get to stone the morons on here?

If I’m going to believe in something I want the hardcore, narcissistic personality tendencies that the Old Testament deity had.

 

[Kaladin]

December 12, 2024

From @2010sarenevercomingback

“Verily, I say unto thee, that which thou hast cherished in the land of college football shall be taken from thee, for a woman of great age and from the land of Connecticut shall rise, and with her hand, she shall alter all things.”

 

[Kaladin]

December 12, 2024

From @...TrueColors...

“And lo, I had heard the tale as well, yet I knew not if it was spoken here. The rumor was as a tempest, wild and unrestrained. As for her years, they were hidden from me, but I knew in my heart she was not in the fullness of her childbearing days.”