Matt Rhule Fatherhood Playbook - LJS today
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There's a saying that the handbook for being a father is the one you get from watching your father.
Matt Rhule thought he was prepared. His father, Denny, had taken him everywhere. Spent time with him. Talked to his son. Listened to him. Raised a man.
On Oct. 28, 2004, Matt was ready to take the baton and pass on the wisdom and experiences to his own son, who was about to be born in Asheville, North Carolina.
But there’s no way to be prepared for what happened next. No handbook.
Doctors told Matt that young Bryant, born at 32 weeks, was struggling. Fighting for his life.
What’s more, Matt’s wife, Julie, was fighting for her life. She had HELLP Syndrome, a life-threatening pregnancy complication that often occurs during the latter stages of pregnancy.
Matt, then an assistant coach at Western Carolina, did the only thing he could do.
He called on a couple of dads.
Soon, Denny Rhule was on his way to Asheville. So was Don Nibert, Julie’s father, from Pennsylvania.
“I remember calling Julie’s mother and father and saying, 'Hey, I don’t know if the baby will make it. If you want to see your grandson, get here now.'”
Matt Rhule’s parents flew. The Niberts drove.
When they arrived, Matt’s father, a Nazarene minister, said a prayer for both Julie and Bryant.
“Almost like a last rites, hoping she’d be OK,” Matt said. “This was five or six days after she had the baby.”
By 2 p.m. the next day, Matt said, Julie was sitting up in bed. Soon, both Julie and Bryant were going home, having survived his ordeal.
Finally, Matt could hold his son. Fatherhood had begun.
“My son was born and having all kinds of tests,” he said. “What should have been the most enjoyable moment of my life is full of fear. Is he going to make it? Is he going to live?
“Then my wife was sick and we weren’t sure if she was going to make it. There were days I would go back and forth, from her intensive care to my son in intensive care.”
Meanwhile, it was football season and Rhule had forgotten to set up the crib and nursery at home.
“I told Julie’s dad that she’s going to kill me when she gets home,” Rhule said. “I remember he drove 45 miles to our house (in Cullowhee, N.C.) to put it together. He was an amazing father-in-law, grandfather.”
This fall, Bryant will attend the University of Nebraska, where his father coaches football and where his mom and two younger sisters live.
On this Father’s Day, and every Father’s Day, Rhule thinks about that time and counts his blessings.
Those include his father, and his late father-in-law, Don Nibert, who died in 2023.
“I probably had the best father in the world,” Matt said. “I also had the best father-in-law in the world. My father, Denny, is as good a man as I know.”
Denny Rhule has been a minister, missionary and coach. His dedication to faith and service led him and his family from Pennsylvania to Kansas City to New York City and back to State College, Pa., Texas and Africa.
Matt’s earliest memories of his dad came from New York City, when Denny was balancing family with tending to the homeless and working various jobs. There was always time to play catch or coach Matt’s Little League teams.
Two of Matt’s favorite early memories were going to the 1983 Kickoff Classic and Game Six of the 1986 World Series at Shea Stadium with his dad.
“When we moved to New York City, they were on self-support,” Matt said of his parents. “My dad was working multiple jobs. He didn’t play golf, he didn’t sit around watching TV. He spent time with us, me and my sister.
“He was the most kind, patient person. I never saw him lose his temper once, never heard him say a cross word. He was always a great role model.
“He always found time to listen to me. He taught lessons to me, about sports, about being a man, working hard. Most of what I do in my life is from being around my father.”
The lesson that stuck with him the most?
“Serving people, the way he serves people,” Rhule said. “The core of being a great man is always putting other people first. Being a great father is putting your wife and kids first.
“Those aren’t hollow words to me. I’ve seen it. Some people never see it. I was blessed. I was around it. I had no excuse for not doing that.”
There’s a toughness, and a humility, to the Rhule family. Denny learned from his father, George, a war veteran who worked at a post office. Denny’s older brother, Kenny, was killed in a car accident.
The toughness and faith that his parents showed during that time led Denny to a life in the ministry. Faith and family are the tie that binds the Rhules from generation to generation.
Now it is Matt’s turn. And he is using his father’s playbook.
It is not easy, of course. Being a head football coach can sometimes be like working several jobs. And, like his parents, Matt has moved his own family from city to city to city.
But he learned there is always time for his kids, whether it be coaching their teams or having his daughters hang out in his Nebraska football office.
“I’ve always said my life goal is someday, when they lay me in the ground, my kids will say their dad wanted to be the best father he could,” Matt said.
“Some coaches say that but they don’t always spend time with their kids. One thing I want to be is present to my kid. I know people say spend quality time, but kids need quantity time, too.
“I try my best and put my phone away, be home and be present. I want to say I did the best I could. That’s what my dad did, what my grandfather did, what Julie’s dad did.”
This year’s a big one: Bryant will be back, as a freshman at NU. He spent last year back in Charlotte, N.C., finishing his senior year of high school. Bryant insisted that his parents and sisters go to Lincoln and start the Nebraska job.
Meanwhile, guess who lived with Bryant and watched over him in Charlotte? Denny and Gloria Rhule.
“There’s a lot of times I can’t be physically present,” Matt said. “Thank goodness for technology now. Thank goodness for family group chats and FaceTime. I want to make sure my kids have my time over everything else.
“This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. My son stayed with my mom and dad, so my father who raised me basically took last year and raised my son.”
Don’t look now, but Denny and Gloria are moving to Omaha in July to be around the family. There’s ministry work to be done here. There are grandkids to hang out with.
Faith. Family. Oh yes, football. That sounds like a Rhule Father’s Day.
“I’ll work a football camp,” Rhule said when asked how he’ll spend Father’s Day. “My daughters will work it with me. Leona was running routes at the last camp. She wants to be the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers one day.”
There’s another saying that applies to Dads: great teachers also had great teachers.
Meet Matt Rhule, the man with a playbook for on the field and off.
“I wouldn’t be in coaching if not for my father-in-law,” Rhule said. “Early on, it was Julie’s dad, Don, who knew I wanted to be a coach.
“Instead of telling me to get out and get a job, I can’t tell you how many times he gave me money to pay the rent or pay the medical bills. Julie’s parents so many times bailed me out so I could stay in coaching.
“Father’s Day is a happy time and a special time. My grandfather and father-in-law are gone. I’m blessed that my dad is here. Their legacy is here. And I try to honor that legacy every day.”
