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Was hoping he was raped by a gorilla leaving him pinned under a log where he was eaten by a horde of beetles that brought in a horde of rats that fed on him and the beetles and it took 4 days before he lost consciousness.
OK, now I am ready to read this article about a guy who disappeared and they used a double for weeks to now only return after "facial surgery" with the excuse about something that happened 3 years ago....