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kyle23
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I suggest you try it.
Following
Trophies
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50
4-1 Like/Post Ratio
Holy shit 4 likes for every post? You are a wizard with a giant penis -
50
2 Year Anniversary
You’ve been here for 2 years now. I assume you are the coolest person in your friend group -
30
I LOVE IT!
Content you have posted has attracted 500 positive reactions. -
15
You have an avatar
Congratulations? -
40
3-1 Like/Post ratio
Wow 3 likes or more for every post. Hopefully they all aren't unnecessary gayness ones though -
30
2-1 Like/Post ratio
You have a 2-1 like to post ratio. Keep this up and you’re well on your way to being someone -
10
Can't stop!
You've posted 100 messages. I hope this took you more than a day! -
50
One Year Anniversary!
Congratulations on surviving a year on tPB! -
20
Can't get enough of your stuff
Your content has been positively reacted to 250 times. -
69
Nice
Nice. 69 posts. Nice -
25
250 Days Old
You have been a member for 250 days. That's like almost a year kinda -
5
Keeps coming back
30 messages posted. You must like it here! -
15
Seriously likeable!
Content you have posted has attracted a positive reaction score of 100. -
15
100 Days Old!
You have been here for 100 days. That's ok I guess -
50
Elite Member
You are an elite member. You must be rich and cool -
10
I like it a lot
Your messages have been positively reacted to 25 times. -
2
Somebody likes you
Somebody out there reacted positively to one of your messages. Keep posting like that for more! -
1
First message
Post a message somewhere on the site to receive this.