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kyle23

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I suggest you try it.

Following

Trophies

  1. 50

    4-1 Like/Post Ratio

    Holy shit 4 likes for every post? You are a wizard with a giant penis
  2. 50

    2 Year Anniversary

    You’ve been here for 2 years now. I assume you are the coolest person in your friend group
  3. 30

    I LOVE IT!

    Content you have posted has attracted 500 positive reactions.
  4. 15

    You have an avatar

    Congratulations?
  5. 40

    3-1 Like/Post ratio

    Wow 3 likes or more for every post. Hopefully they all aren't unnecessary gayness ones though
  6. 30

    2-1 Like/Post ratio

    You have a 2-1 like to post ratio. Keep this up and you’re well on your way to being someone
  7. 10

    Can't stop!

    You've posted 100 messages. I hope this took you more than a day!
  8. 50

    One Year Anniversary!

    Congratulations on surviving a year on tPB!
  9. 20

    Can't get enough of your stuff

    Your content has been positively reacted to 250 times.
  10. 69

    Nice

    Nice. 69 posts. Nice
  11. 25

    250 Days Old

    You have been a member for 250 days. That's like almost a year kinda
  12. 5

    Keeps coming back

    30 messages posted. You must like it here!
  13. 15

    Seriously likeable!

    Content you have posted has attracted a positive reaction score of 100.
  14. 15

    100 Days Old!

    You have been here for 100 days. That's ok I guess
  15. 50

    Elite Member

    You are an elite member. You must be rich and cool
  16. 10

    I like it a lot

    Your messages have been positively reacted to 25 times.
  17. 2

    Somebody likes you

    Somebody out there reacted positively to one of your messages. Keep posting like that for more!
  18. 1

    First message

    Post a message somewhere on the site to receive this.

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